What keeps me self-disciplined?

Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be, be one.

Marcus Aurelius

Mostly everyone knows what they need to do to get what they want. If you want to lose weight: eat healthily and exercise. If you want wealth: save and invest. Both of these examples require sacrifice. Which many are capable of doing…. for the moment at least. Then comes in the procrastination littered with self-help books, diet trends, expensive trainers and wealth seminars which robs you from both time and money.

What many people lack is the ability to be consistent with the work to meet their goal and the self-discipline it requires. How does one remain focus in this busy world? We know we must overcome our desire for short term pleasure to meet our meaningful long term goal- but how does one accomplish this?

For starters, it is never motivation.

When I must meet a goal, I never used motivation to get me there because that is a feeling that comes and goes. Motivation isn’t there with me at 3 AM when I’m breastfeeding my daughter. I use discipline, which operates as a contract.

For I want to achieve in this, there are things I now need to do.

There is no such thing as a “small goal.” If it requires you to have self-discipline, it is a big deal. Part of this big deal of having discipline is structure and maintenance. It can get boring. So, how does an individual stay structured? Stay maintaining? Stay disciplined?


Here are 8 ways on how I stay disciplined:

  1. Know and understand your goal

Once you figure out what you want to achieve, learn the steps and tools you need in order to reach it. Don’t overload yourself with data because that can be discouraging. Instead, focus on what you need to do now. Work with what you have available to you now. And answer this: why are you going to commit to this exciting journey? This will help you stay disciplined.

2. Start slow- then doors will open up

When my teenage daughter began to show interest in playing basketball, she immediately wanted an (expensive) pair of basketball sneakers. “The sneakers will help me look more like a basketball player!” She explained. Well. She is correct. The sneakers will help her look like a basketball player. Not actually be a basketball player. Is this Halloween? Or are you serious in the sport? If you’re serious, only skills will make you be one. She will develop the skills through practice and discipline.

She showed me that it isn’t Halloween.

She is serious and used the resources that are currently available to her: an old pair of sneakers, daily access to a basketball court, a ball, commitment and time. Within 6 months of training, the sneakers she wanted (which she had forgotten about) came to her as well as many opportunities within the sport.

3. Have a (private) audience, you respect and love

Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.

Carl Jung

When you’re committed to achieving success, it can be rather lonely. Or if you made no (small) announcement about your goal, you might get lazy. What is important is to avoid these natural human flaws. The best way is to not make your “inspiring” journey public but rather, let those in your inner circle know. They will support you, encourage you and you’re reminded that they are watching you.

For me, it is my children.

Once you have children, you quickly realize that they don’t listen. You can say whatever you like: in one ear out the other. How does a parent get through to these little humans? The answer is through your action. The children aren’t listening, but they are watching.

For instance, many parents want to know how to get their children to eat more healthy. I ask them: do you eat healthy yourself? If so, they will follow. If not, they will also follow. And I’m not talking about a freakish diet or one healthy meal. It’s a lifestyle. Commit to it, sincerely enjoy it and your children will want to join. It will also help keep you disciplined to the point of the lifestyle becoming natural, no longer difficult.

For this, it is best to work in silence and allow your work to speak. At the same time, share your goal with a love one- in person. No need for a social media annocement.

4. Remove the naysayers and learn from the wise

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain- and most fools do.

Dale Carnegie

Here comes the very popular unsolicited advice. The ones who are threatened by you taking a risk. The ones who are in no position to tell you what you need to do. The negative. Holding you back, since they’ve missed out and have become regretful- even bitter.

They declare they’re “realistic” but have no insurance themselves. If they were realistic about life, wouldn’t they have done things differently? Or at the very least, encourage you not make their mistakes? It almost comes off as if they want you to repeat their mistakes!

They might have good intentions, but how many wars were started with good intentions? They might express they have “wisdom” and experience- but they lack both since they offer no hope or way out, only to stress and cause strife.

You must set boundaries with these types. If they are unrelated people, cut them off. If it is your grandmother or father- love from a distance. Listen to them politely and then discard. Most love ones want to see you do mediocre in life. Your goals and ambitions upset them for having none. It’s a quiet reminder that they could’ve gained anything they wanted in life, but was too ignorant or scared.

Remember: the person you accept their advice from is the life you are working towards living.

Instead, seek from those who have already mastered what you wish to master. You can even learn from historical figures or present influencers. However, don’t compare yourself to them. You want to gain knowledge on how this individual remained discipline and what methods they took to accomplished their goal. For your end result is unique because it is done by you.

5. Understand it takes 8-10 years to master a skill: patience

After you turned off the noise, it’s time to take steps in the direction of your goal.

In today’s world, we have been wildly spoiled by the instant. We want instant results because we have instant messager. But know this truth: things that take longer to develop are more valuable. Things that come to quickly and easy are taken for granted and often less appreciated.

Think of how you spend the money you earned versus if you had won. Think of the time and energy spent at the gym rather than having a bypass surgery for instant fat loss. Or in love? Think of how quickly the fire of passion died out by your third date. People tend to celebrate weddings rather marriage itself, creating false expectations of pure joy all the time.

If you expect to accomplish your goal and master the field- you have to put in the time. As mentioned in the previous point, the person you seek for wisdom in your field had at least this amount of years dedicated in the industry. You will only want to hear from this accomplished person, not one in the making or someone with potential. We all have the potential.

But not all are disciplined, driven and have succeeded. This is especially important to learn because you will need tons of discipline and focus for many years to come.

6. Be consistent and know when it’s time to change your method

Understanding there are no short cuts to success, patience is virtual. There is a way to soften this however. Seek out the smaller task and don’t obsess with the bigger picture: read a fat book. (Long term goal) Never mind it has 30 chapters. Start with chapter 1. (Small steps) Continue each day, no matter how much or little you read. (Consistency) You will be amazed that you gone through that entire book when you’re done. (Goal met)

If you notice after some time, your goal isn’t being met- how do you know if you need to try harder or try something completely different?

Money is always a great indicator.

If you have been wildly passionate in a subject for over the years but gain no wealth– you don’t have anything but a hobby. It’s time for you to invest your energy elsewhere. Your work will be noticed if the market wants it. It is difficult to pass on something that is too good. If you’re an excellent artist, your work will sell, not your passion. Often people are blinded by love with their work. When in reality, they’ll thrieve and are needed in another industry if they only make the move.

If you’re in the right field but keep getting stuck- use the trial and error method. You know it’s possible to lose the stubborn last 10 pounds. Reevaluate your routine. Perhaps diet soda is hindering your goal. You tried everything else. Now eliminate the diet soda and replace it with a protein shake. The results should show within 3 weeks.

Many people will stop here due to “I tried.” But no one makes history from the effort put in. You must succeed.

7. Never play the victim or speak about yourself

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Dale Carnegie

If you give up, or won’t even start your goal- you’ll live to regret it. Everyone has a billion reasons on why they “can’t” do something. All you need is one reason why you can: because you should.

Those who complain why they couldn’t or why they currently can’t- are always a drag to have around. They seem to be attracting bad luck to them- and perhaps secretly enjoy it. Stay away from these individuals, their misery is infectiousness. Avoid becoming this type yourself by freeing your insecure thoughts through service.

Speaking about yourself (especially when no one asked) is a sign of a troublesome person. No- your childhood is not inspiring. Goals met in the face of struggle is inspiring. Most people aren’t interested in your past troubles. But what is interesting is when it is commonly known you had a struggle and overcame it against the odds. Let others speak of it, you work towards bettering yourself from yesterday.

Many people had a difficult past themselves. We have so much in common! The world is filled with sorrow, misery, and pain. We as humans are uncomfortable to be reminded about this. So spare us the dysfunctional upbringing. Instead, speak of life. Speak of hope- through your discipline work.

8. Want to help distant others? Start by helping yourself first and those closest to you

When people begin their journey to achieve their goal, it might’ve started out to be for themsleves. Now the results are kicking in. You might say to yourself: “Hey. I want my work to branch out. I want to reach as many people, influence and help people with their struggle I once had!”

Slow down pal.

A noble idea but a silly one.

How can you save the entire world? That task is too large and reserved for God Himself. But you can still help– those who are interested in your newfound wisdom will come, which will penetrate throughout society.

Whatever you have learned through your journey, say cooking in hopes to open your own food truck. You should feed your family first- free of charge. Let them experience your delicious recipes. Let them offer a review. Teach anyone in your home if they show interest. The food will be soon tested by their co-workers. Gym goers. Church people. Payment is proof your food and service is good.

A woman may have good intentions by marching for women rights- but how is her relationship at home with her mother? With her daughter? Part of staying focus and discipline is to remember your overall goal. There is still much to learn in life. Many get arrogant and this derails their trip to success.

A wise man knows that he doesn’t know. You can always learn and grow more.

You may not be the savior of the world, but to one person, you are their world.

Even if that one person is you.

Take care of yourself.

Be selfish for you can be generous

No man will work for your interest unless they are his

David Seabury

The quote above tells how the entire world works. However, America has executed this truth in a unique way. Which its result caused an abundance of wealth, leadership and security.


Being selfish has always been seen as a negative thing.

In the East, it’s every man for his own. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours… maybe.

Unless you are someone who appears to have wealth, a tourist (or if you’re dealing with a seriously religious person)- the world is not a fan of generosity. They must think of themselves and then close relatives in order to survive.

The West, particularly America, on the other hand, has a different motto which separates itself from the rest of the world.

Whether in a large scale such as America getting involved in foreign wars: a selfish motive unless it’s a direct attack or to prevent one, for the citizens of the United States.

How about on a smaller scale such as the individual: one investing on his own needs before doing favors for others- also may seem selfish.

The way America has handled foreign policy to a personal citizen’s choice, has overall been a step to the right direction.


America conducts itself differently

To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means to preserving peace

George Washington Jan. 8th 1790 First annual message to congress

The 5 Star general military expert and America’s first president was aware that if potential enemies know that America is ready for war, with weapons and training, then enemies will not even flirt with the idea to commit aggression against the United States.

This thinking from our nation’s beloved first president still holds truth today. Washington is not only talking about a wellformed army (which many countries already have) but its citizens also to be armed and disciplined.

Another popular idea of many countries is foreign involvement. Mostly for real estate, power and control reasons. America is different from this policy as well. Washington tells America to avoid being dragged into overseas conflict:

It is our true policy to steer clear of permanent alliance with any portion of the foreign world…. are essentially foreign to our concerns…. America’s detached and distant situation… [should be an easier avoidant into warfare.]

George Washington

Washington made it clear if a nation which “indulges towards another a habitual hatred or a habitual fondness is in some degree a slave’– it gets distracted and suspends its only duty of pursuing its own true interest.

Two easy ways the American can avoid meddling into foreign affairs: our values are different. Our geographical location, separated from the world by two large oceans also represents something deeper. It brings us back to our first point of having different ideas of a nation.

Although the wisdom of Washington cannot be stressed more, Americans have recently abandoned their leader’s advice and joined the activities of the world. After WW2, the NATO agreement offered very little for the American but gave much American money and man power for Europe.

America is able to do good while being the first to respond to tragedies; both domestically and internationally because America focused on itself for many years. America also set the bar high for human achievement and became a world influence by setting an upright example in practice that the world wishes to mimic.


Should the individual be selfish to eventually become generous?

Well, how else can one offer something if he doesn’t have the means to offer?

Just because someone is willing to do something doesn’t mean much if he isn’t ready to provide it.

Similar to Washington’s advice to prepare for warfare- even if you’re not going to war, one must be ready to back up the talk to avoid the fight. Now, how can he prepare himself if he has no weapons? No training? No right to bare arms?

At an early stage of the nation or individual, these values must be taught. It is also better to learn skills and have training young in order to make life much more easier for the long run.

If your noble goal is to serve your community (and profit comes second or none)- God bless you for your rare motive! This too was the pilgrims’ desire: to create God’s kingdom on earth. Gold came second or not even important. However, the pilgrims still had to offer something uniquely different from the world. Their knowledge of scriptures and carrying it out daily, took a massive commitment to lifetime training and dedication.

If the goal was to, for example, teach reading for people can read the Bible, (many people all over the world were illiterate)- then first the teacher needed to know how to read for himself. At one point in his life, this teacher spent hours learning how to read, and then to understand the Bible. Only after this is he able to teach others.

People will listen to those who understand and practices his work- not to someone who speaks like a blabbering pagan.

Suppose your main goal is profit. Honestly, profit is the best goal. While I agree with the pilgrims’ religious teachings, I would certainly disagree with the Marxist teachings. Had a Marxist came off the Mayflower, free or pay- I am not interested in a Marxist utopian idea. You might not be interested in the Bible. But money is the proof of hard work and free exchange for all ideas. This is where a Marxist and religious person can shake hands in a transaction.

In order to do so, one party must have previously invested his time to create and develop his service or product. It might have seemed selfish when he started his mission, but the community eventually benefited through his sacrifice of immediate pleasure for a long term goal of uncertain wealth.

On the flip side, the consumer must have earned his wealth elsewhere in order to purchase the innovator’s product. The consumer himself is an investor: both in the product and how he obtains his wealth to even make this transaction.

Another motivation is love.

Have you seen anyone more selfish than a 15-year-old boy? Everything is certainly about him. But introduce a beautiful girl, now the young boy has the interest to suddenly become a highly skilled electrician to purchase this girl the best flowers he can.

No matter for the greater good, profit or love- one must develop himself in order to be generous. This requires disciple, structure, sacrifice, practice, training and even isolation in order to achieve greatness.


The time when the act of selfishness must be suspended

Is there a time or situation when being selfish must be avoided?

Yes.

In relationships: Marriage. As individuals with parents. As parents with children. There is no room for your selfish ways at this moment.

One thing I’ve notice reading Ayn Rand books is that there are no children in them. Also translating to, no future.

There must be a future. A purpose in order to have a meaningful life.

When you’re in a relationship, its a two way street. You might not want to visit grandma and watch watch her play crossword puzzles with an old neighbor named Sally. But as her grandchild, you know you’re obligated to do so every Sunday afternoon.

Although it’s only one day of the week she sees you, you’re the reason why she gets out of bed each day. She looks forward to your Sunday visits starting when you leave Sunday evening. Even if they are spent in silence, your presence alone shows you care.

After you leave your weekly visit, you have a sense of worth. You not only committed to family but you begin to think: I won’t be alone either when I’m her age.

This works the opposite: be generous (with your time, something that requires zero training). You’ll experience by doing so, you’re actually gaining self-control. Honoring your word. Patience. Human interaction. So much more virtues that you can take with you into the workforce and in romace.

You’ll eventually have the same treatment in return. Even if there is nothing to gain other than your smile. Remember, like money, people are attracted to good energy. Something you have unknowligly developed through your Sunday visits with grandma.

The same works with gift giving. This has been practiced in every culture for thousands of years.

You’re giving not because the Bible says so, your parents or even society told you too. You’re giving because you want too. Again, invest in yourself for you can experience this joy at anytime.

What is the hidden exchange with gift giving?

First, the person you’re giving too must accept your gift. Their smile, joy, and suspense are worth the giving. This brings a sensation to you of accomplishment.

You were not only thanked, but for a moment you were seen. Heard. Even within love, there is a trade-off.

The trade off is not material, but more of a spiritual one.

This is one, which is love, is the best deal made.

Here are 4 reasons I know God loves women and children

We are constantly reminded how much the God of The Bible loves men. Just not love, but favors and prefers men.

While this might be true in a communist society, it isn’t true with God.

Yes. Men are stronger. Men’s performance in both good and evil is highly extreme. Men’s recovery time is a lot faster than a woman’s recovery time. Let’s face it: if men are invited to join women sports, there will be no women sports.

Men who decide to do good, excel to great heights. When men are not tamed, they have capabilities and desires to destroy cities. Women uncivilized? Perhaps beeping through scanners at a local Walmart with stolen goods in her purse.

Yes. The Bible mentions men more. God has a (higher? Well, not quite.) different and yes- harder expectations for men. Even if we remove the religious aspects, (which seems to confirm the others) and focus on other aspects: women’s biology, the record of direct contribution to building, warfare, intellect, emotions, and rationality- explains in plain sight there are major differences between the sexes. Giving, what may appear, men the upper hand.

These truths may be hurtful to many insecure women. If you season this feeling of victimhood with a woman who hasn’t experienced love from a man, you have a broken woman.

Cheer up.

One of the many reasons why the Lord is great is because He isn’t of this world. He isn’t a false god. He is the true God with radical ideas, foreign to our limited thinking. A God who is just? Forgiving with a sense of humor? A God who isn’t envious of man? A God who loves His creation?

A God who declares man is His favorite creation?

A God who would die in order to remarry His creation?


He loves man

The Lord created man before woman. The proof is there: the Lord didn’t think it is necessary to have women!

But quite the contrary.

According to the order of Creation, the Lord created many things before man. Does this hold true for light? For vegetable? For animal? No! We all know man is on top of the food chain.

Clearly, the Lord made the most complex and saved the best for last! Man finds his purpose in serving one woman. He needs a love from a woman. First his mother. Then wife and daughter. A woman holds a special place in a man’s heart.

Being the Lord loves man, He loves the woman who motivates him. That gives him worth. The one thing that separates man from his savage species is his family.

A woman civilizes a man via marriage. You see, God created a world intended for women and men to help each other. When we simply obey His word (which is difficult but possible) it makes life more pleasurable and a lot easier.

Of course, God smiles on this and blesses women. If women are blessed with good men, men and children will be forever happy. Which will radiate into the country…  

Countries who mistreat women and children are poor

Take a look around the world. Do you know which countries are wealthy? Are headed towards prosperity?

Part of what made America great is its record for being the first country to value women. Mixed that with the religion and English language: Boom! You have a wealthy country with automobiles!

It was the West that came up with this tradition: women and children first. It’s no wonder the West has the best living status in the history of the world. Even if it is fading away, the truth is there. The truth is proven through time. Time shows that when men are responsible with supporting women by their side, life becomes much better for both parties.

Countries who mistreat their women and children are poor. While the men party, hold no responsibility for their actions and die young– it brings great agony to his legacy, parents and country.

Clearly, God doesn’t have patience for this behavior. The proof is in the suffering.

God hears prayer

Negative behavior is given. No one has to teach you how to get fat, it comes naturally. But to build muscle? Strict eating habits and training- there is so much data and knowledge to be learned.

Therefore, men behaved naturally sexually inappropriate. God heard the cries of the women. In the Bible, the Lord lays down the law on how men should conduct themselves with their bodies. Who he can sleep with. What his seed is designed to do.

There was a great uproar from men: does the Lord punish us? What with all these restrictions, we will no longer have a sex life!

The idea of marrying one woman. To love, protect and provide for her was a radical idea. (Today, it is still seen radical.) However, time showed it works.

Marriage is easily seen to benefit the woman almost immediately. But for a man? It takes time. Years even! (Similar to childhood with sons and daughters!)

He begins to notice that living as single man by a certain age is no good for him. The best investment he made was marrying a good woman who gave him children. He has wealth only if he has a backing. His backing is his wife and children.

Once a desire to be forever young and foolish is no longer attractive. The lifestyle brings you into dark, lonely times while feeling meaningless.

Single men with no children are much poorer than a married man with children. In fact, a single man with no children is more poor than a single woman with children!

After Christianity became the main religion in Europe, the Church also heard the cries from the widows, wives, and daughters. Their men were not around. When men were encouraged to seek marriage, stay married and be a father- parts of Europe lighten up.

The status of a man went high because of his commitment to his family.

Men finally received the need and love of a woman that they so badly needed. Women received the wanting and security of a man that they so badly needed. After this marriage agreement, wealth was just around the corner.

Let my people go, for they may go worship the Lord

Recently, I read in the book of Exodus about Moses going to Pharaoh requesting him to set his people free.

Two new ideas were conceive as I read this story for the 1,000th time:

When you pray to God, tell Him why.

When Moses goes to Pharaoh in the book of Exodus, he delivers the message of the Lord:

“Let my people go, so that they may worship me.”

Exodus 10:3

Often we hear a preacher misquote Moses. They don’t follow up with the rest of the request; “so that they may worship me.

When you are in prayer, tell God why you are requesting something. Do it over and over again. Let it be meaningful.

The second light bulb that went on while reading this story, is this:

God wanted the women and children.

What?!

Did you know Pharaoh already have permitted Moses to take his people and go worship? The men that is

Pharaoh said, “the Lord be with you– if I let you go, along with your women and children! Clearly you are bent on evil. No! Have only the men go and worship the Lord,”

Exodus 10:10

The immediate follow up was the plague in Egypt.

It is natural to give men only these rights. You see it today throughout Asia and the Middle East. But God is supernatural. He wanted all: the men, women, children, animals and their belongings.

He leaves no one behind.


After I discovered this, I went for a drive. Thinking about how good God is. He is a God who is just and loves His creation. The lies of the world can be seductive. They often are accepted because it makes excuses to be lazy so much better.

The common lie of a communist is: There is no God! And if there were, he doesn’t love women! Look at the treatment from men. Look at your bodies and brain size. Clearly, you’re weak! Embrace the new being: a godless world citizen who rejects the individual and works for the community. There is your purpose!

How depressing! My heart breaks for those who purchased this lie and spent their life in this manner.

For men, the message is similar with a twist: they tell young men that women who seek marriage are gold diggers! Lazy! Stupid! A real man sleeps around with no strings attached. A real man doesn’t support his country. A real man doesn’t enlist in the army to fight bankers wars! A real man finds power through crime, bonds through with a brotherhood of thugs and takes what was originally his!

If only the message was this blunt. But if you really listen carefully to the public speaker- he admits this.

Well, I got great news for you: God does love you and He wants you to earn your living. You have great expectations. Disregard the lies of the world that is naturally pulling in a negative direction. Fight against it towards the light.

Of course He has called you out.

You keep coming back to Him.

Enjoy marriage: How to get your husband to do anything

Yes, I have discovered the answer to one of life’s greatest secret treasures: how to get your husband to do what you want.

Please.

Hold the applause until the end.

Reading up on Men’s magazines, their books and eavesdropping in on their podcast- I learned a bit more about our furry partners called men. Apparently, the fur is designed to protect men from facing nature’s danger… and it’s also used as a defensive mechanism against other creatures- including women!

But it wasn’t until many years of marriage and having a son did I finally get to tap in (from a far distance because I still lack understanding of the male species) on the man’s brain.

Is there a way to get across to our husbands, peacefully while achieving a win/win outcome?

Oh, you better believe it!

Ladies.
No more nagging.
No more complaining.
No more explaining.
No more silent treatment.

No more “constructive criticism.” – (They really dislike this one. More on this later.)
Note to men: Please let me know if I’m correct, almost or not even close.

Time to sit back and enjoy marriage like it’s designed for.


It’s clear we love our husbands. However, society insists people are “born this way.” As some fool once said, “If you love someone, you wouldn’t change them.”

Give me a break.

Life is about change and growth. We aren’t animals in a vicious cycle, are we? No. We have a purpose. A constant yearning to strive. A challenge. A goal with structure and deadlines. Accomplishment in the face of struggle makes us alive.

Therefore, of course, we want our husband to grow. We want him with more money. More time with us and the children. More help around the house. More in touch with God. (And with more muscle…) When we bring this up, it comes off to him as “complaints and nagging” to his ears.

Bottom line he isn’t listening via talk or email. You’re not getting through to him.

Next, you seriously sit down and have a conversation with him. You politely explain to him that you love him. This is only constructive criticism which is intended to help both of us- our marriage, you rationalize.

Yikes. That did it.

Translation to a man’s brain: I’m not man enough?! Nothing is ever good for you. You’re comparing me to other men. I lack ambition? I work my butt off for this family! 

Sounds familiar?

Well. May I suggest another route? Honestly.

What else do you have to lose?

These 4 methods have been proven in my personal life. I’ve also seen it done within marriages of over 15+ years. Each method goes accordingly to different circumstances. Be wise about your approach. Be honest as well. The arguments will lessen. The stress is less. Both parties will get what they want- and yes. The love and romance will skyrocket.


Absence makes the heart fonder

Time apart does wonders. Ask any corporate and/or military wife. Being apart from one another makes us want each other more. Including doing acts for the other spouse. Promises you now make while apart, to which you do intend to keep because that is how much you miss each other! You’ll be amazed at the level of flirtation, text messages and romance received through distance. Once united: it will feel so good!

Always see each other? Well, buzz off somewhere for a few hours! Tell him to visit his parents. Or encourage him to get a testosterone boost by hanging out with his buddies. (Men need male bonding more than women need “girl time.” More on that within a different post.) Go out shopping without him but take his credit card. (You see, he is still there.. via MasterCard.) Just take some time apart where you can actually recharge and miss each other.

Eye contact

Sometimes words don’t need to be spoken. A look of seduction. Or a look in need will get the job done.

Don’t be confused with the silent treatment, which can go on for days and turn ugly. This eye contact is a one time use, and use it for a brief interaction.

Suppose he is being difficult. Just stop the conversation by looking at him. Smile halfway. Then let him proceed. The moment of silence (with a Mona Lisa smile) will make him rethink his position. This one works extremely well for me, personally and requires little from my end.

How are you dressed?

This is my favorite because I’m a master at this.

Men are visual creatures. Although men don’t care if you are wearing a $2,000 dress or a $20 dress- they want you to look good. (This grooming helps our mood if we do. This is also a win/win.) Yes, your husband “loves you for who you are.” Also, I’m aware you “love your husband through hard times.” But why place yourself there when it’s unnecessary?

Men: don’t assume your wife will be tolerant for long if you’re unemployed for too long. Women: don’t expect your husband to still lust after you when you haven’t waxed your eyebrows in 2 years and he only sees you in a grandmother’s nightgown.

Men want their women so attractive, they will even provide the funding. Give it a try.

Next time he comes home, make sure you’re wearing a dress with heels and have your hair done. Bonus if you have food ready for him.

His mood will be lifted. Make this a lifestyle because doing it once- it gets pretty suspicious and may come across artificial. Men love a natural feminine woman. They strongly dislike a woman they have to compete with. Be his companion. His helper. He is already fighting against the world. He already loves you. (A man doesn’t marry for security, wealth or status purposes. They do so for love.) This type of effort from your part will urge him to move mountains for you.

You wouldn’t believe what I got my husband to do just by dressing up in a red dress, red lipstick, heels and having his dinner ready for him before he came home.

The man suddenly became a highly skilled carpenter. (Among other things!) Besides. I do enjoy how my legs look in this outfit…

Now. For The Secret Weapon: OTHER MEN!

Here it is. Try using “logic” to get your husband to make a move. Try crying. Try sex even. It won’t work!

Do you know men turn off a woman’s speech just after the first 6 minutes? That’s why you’re repeating yourself and reassuring he is listening. (He is not.) But men can honestly hear another man speak (with the same message!) for hours! Outrageous, I’ll say.

If you want your husband, for example, to exercise more- he has to hear the message from his friends. There is no other choice. This is the secret weapon right here: It has to come from other men he respects.

The idea also has to come from him when you both sit down and talk about it. Men have a strong desire to be needed. Their brains. Their muscle. Their love must be needed. They want to be able to provide and protect. They need to deliver results. They have a deep longing to be needed.., especially by a woman! ONE woman.

While women, (who don’t want that burden of being needed) desire to be wanted. You do want your husband to want you? To cater to you? To know what you want? Well then. Allow him to figure things out. To take charge. Let him know you need him.

If your husband discusses growth with another man, he will come home to you excited like a young boy who just received a Ninja Turtle toy: “Honey, guess what? A great idea!” (An idea that you secretly wanted him to jump on for a while.)

Think back to any bright ideas you may have had. Sure, he might have agreed to do them. Only to deliver with a sloppy job with a half heart in it- hoping it will fail. He is eager to say to you: You see. I told you so!

But if it came from him, he cannot retreat to this conduct. He must follow through. It is best sealed when it came from speaking or even watching other men.

After the task is complete, he will be a new man. A better one. A stronger one. He will also know he couldn’t have accomplished it without you.

Therefore, both parties will get what their hearts truly desires. However, in order to do this- one must use their head.

Now go ahead and have your husband build that bookcase you’ve been wanting him to do.

Don’t forget to put on lipstick!

To soulmate or helpmate? That is the question.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him. – Genesis 2:18   Many people in our society today is in love with the idea of being in love. For many, people would pour a heavy amount of energy on the wedding… Continue reading To soulmate or helpmate? That is the question.

No, I didn’t marry my best friend. Here’s why:

“Baby, am I your best friend?” I asked my husband. Although I already knew the answer- I needed to hear it from him. After a burst of laughter he coldly answered: “No.” Well. Likewise! But let’s be honest. We often hear people say: “Marry someone who you could laugh with. Travel with. Have fun with.… Continue reading No, I didn’t marry my best friend. Here’s why:

Why I need organized religion

We often hear people say in a smugness manner: “I’m not religious! I’m spiritual.” This must be the correct way of saying: “I have faith but don’t subscribe to a particular faith.” What does that exactly mean? Suppose you applied that logic to money: “I have money but I don’t have cash, assets or available… Continue reading Why I need organized religion

The Bicycle: The Importance of Siblings

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.”   Romans 12:10        Often when one thinks of a sibling, “love” doesn’t immediately come to mind. Despite if that was the reason or intention of the relationship. What we do frequently hear, is about the infamous “sibling rivalry” instead.… Continue reading The Bicycle: The Importance of Siblings

America’s religious roots

Just in time! On Independence Day- most people would discuss about the Declaration of Independence from Great Britain on July 4th 1776. Or what they will grill today. But I’ve decided to talk more about the religious roots that help jump-start this War of Independence which John Hancock would sign off on what would become… Continue reading America’s religious roots

The battlefield of the workforce

“You men are just afraid of a strong successful woman.” Says the single independent woman. But in my experience, men aren’t exactly afraid of a strong successful woman. Like earthquakes and food shortages, men tend to avoid them. Being in the workforce tends to bring masculinity. You grow more money, power and respect through your… Continue reading The battlefield of the workforce