Look at them.
They look so gorgeous. In love. And wealthy. As for you, you’re… well, you’re you. How could you not be slightly envious? Or more difficult, how can you be happy for someone else success when you secretly aren’t because it’s a reminder that you yourself is a failure?
You’re only a failure because you think and speak it. When a person is envious it just means they settled in life. They compromised. They didn’t keep on working (for whatever excuse one might have). In the end, they gave up and regret it.
I’ve read many books of people restarting their life and successfully moving on to accomplishment. One story I will never forget is about a 52-year-old military history writer. He loved warfare: the strategies, uniforms, discipline, rules of engagement, and weapons. Such a brilliant and passionate man, but he had one problem:
No one actually listened to him because he never served in the military. On top of that, he found himself growing intensely envious of the glory the war leaders received from the troops. The power. The action. The respect. The love from his army. ARGH!
This writer did something incredible to put in an end to this negative emotion, at the age of 55 years old he enlisted into the army. He rose through the ranks rapidly. He became a celebrated hero in his country.
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”
― Henry Ford
There is always a hunger for great talent and skills in the marketplace. Especially in a forgiving home as America or within a religion like Christianity. While there are truths that both the Bible and our personal experience can confirm, some life decisions we made a while ago have very long consequences. Some may range for a few weeks. Others can be a punishment that can last years or even cost us our own life. (This is why one must be both book and street smart.)
Nevertheless, we will work with what is unfairly dealt to us in life or what foolish decisions we brought to ourselves. We are here to live. To fulfill, even what might seem like a minor goal such as obtaining your driver’s license. It’s your life. The desire is still lurking because the envy, the longing is there. It’s not over unless you say it is.
Here are 4 truths on why there is no need to envy:
4. True fulfillment and joy in life doesn’t need an explanation
I see this mistake in so many people I speak with. You’ve probably heard (or have said) similar things such as:
“I’m glad I didn’t enlist in the army! Heck, I’m not fighting a bankers war! I’m no sucker! I’m completely happy they didn’t get me!” But if you further the conservation with this type, as I do, they will quickly expose their regret. I say, “But you’re a patriot bro! My goodness, the honor. The respect. The skills they teach. Travel and guns! Plus you get paid? That sounds like a sweet deal, not a scam.”
The look of guilt flushes their face, then the sad confession kicks in: “But I missed my opportunity…”
Another infamous one I hear is from childless people. “Kids? Ha! I’m extremely happy without brats! They’re expensive. They are an inconvenience! They’re annoying. I’m completely living it up.”
Then, like the dodger, I get this people as well.
“I can’t believe that. You would’ve made an excellent father! Oh man, not to mention how gorgeous your children would’ve been. Sad you’re keeping your seed to yourself, the world is missing out! Plus, they come in handy for retirement buddy! Well, I know you’re a great
The look on their face is priceless. Truth for this is, mostly this person hasn’t “found” a committed person to marry and trust. Or they are completely focused
If an indvidual is truly content with their choices in life, there is no need to randomly explain yourself. Certainly no need to put down the other people who decided to enlist in the army or have a family.
From what I hear, it gets cold when you’re older. You need your memories (like the army stories or whatever you passed up) and grandchildren to warm you.
Reconfirming to others that you didn’t need these investments, doesn’t confirm it and you’re only speaking to yourself. In fact, this unneeded explanation has the opposite effect: it shows you want it and regretting you didn’t commit to it.
People like this aren’t as thrilled with their life as they say. No need to envy the explainer AKA the complainer.
3. Fake news is also attention seeking news: grass isn’t always greener on the other side
Long before social media envy of strangers, there was a more face to face envy. Hence the saying “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.” (S
When people broadcast their happy life, understand two things first:
- They are only showing the happiest moments in their life. Even if it seems to be everyday ‘happiness’, people are public performers. Read their shallow captions for further detail.
- True happiness doesn’t have time to document it live. Therefore, they aren’t enjoying the moment. Do photographers have a blast at a wedding? They are too busy working. Selfie takers are also working and ignoring what could be a fun time. Their mind is on a perfect pic, edit, upload and sit back to see the likes.
Don’t get me wrong. I will snap a photo of the Grand Canyon while I’m on a visit. Will be hesitant to share my glory on social media. But for sure, I won’t make a documentary on my trip to the Grand Canyon unless I’m working for the History Channel. I want to enjoy the time, let the memory sit while respecting my company.
If you notice there is someone who is constantly seeking online attention with their ‘amazing’ life- then simply unfollow. What a great relief it brings. If this person doesn’t offer anything but an online diary that you cannot gain from, they serve no purpose.
Many people fool themselves into saying, “I’m inspiring the world! Come join my pointless journey of finding myself (which I never do) and be inspired!”
Inspiration comes from the struggling silent. No need to envy this empty goof.
[Bringing back my celebrity couple who appear to have it all: looks, money, and love. Traveling to Switzerland while I’m stuck at work, raising kids and letting the best years of my life fly by. Or am I? Don’t read too much into it. What I have noticed with these flashy people is something radical occurs in most of their lives: when they reach to their 40s, their looks are non-human. They are divorced. Broke. And having interviews about how unhappy they were in that marriage- conflicting their wonderful fun pictures of the past.
By the time I’m in my 40s, all my children are adults. In fact, one will graduate college and I will still be in my 30s! So prepare the Eastern European skies. When my time of child raising is over, I’ll be sexy in Switzerland drinking a cup of hot chocolate with my family!]
2. You can still achieve in life at anything you set your mind to
What a controversy statement to make nowadays!
It’s because it’s true. Lies seem to be accepted as “your truth” rather than the one and only truth.
While you don’t need to follow the clueless people who go through life with drama and no purpose- you can gain inspiration from the humble earner results. How can you find these types?
If you desire to have a family, go read about those who have long marriages and successful children. What’s their “secret?” Don’t follow a “family” like the Kardashians.
If you decide more wealth, follow the quiet self-made earner. Not only will you learn more about money, but you’ll learn about character. They are eager to teach those who want to learn and practice their ways.
Focus on yourself and get to work. After you found your humble mentor for encouragement and reminders: it can be done. They did it, so can you. They are not super-human. It is available to all. I don’t care about the ‘white privilege’ lie. Many whites struggle, suffer and die a failure. Just like anyone else who made bad choices. (Telling young white straight boys, in particular, is a psychological trick to actually create a sense of supreme from doing nothing which hinders their growth while telling other groups ‘you don’t have a chance.’ Bad all around.) The only advantage is being born rich and having married parents.
So, if you don’t have this real type of advantage, get busy. Lay out a plan and with deadlines. Get organized and find ways to achieve each point. It may seem far away- but that is why it’s called an investment. Short-time easy goals (like buying an expensive burger) excitement quickly comes to a halt when you realize you need bus fare. Don’t focus
Pretty soon with your sacrifice, you will realize how fast time has gone by. Your goal will be achieved with your back against the wall fighting each step. It is earned slowly and less likely to die off quickly. Similar to earning your own money rather than being given money for no reason.
The great feeling of a smart sacrifice pays off at the end.
Life is about sacrifice.
Side note: A few years back, I created a vision poster board which I encourage you to do. On it I had cut and paste images from magazines onto this board. Images of things I wanted. Some were simple. Others were more difficult to obtain. And one needed a miracle. Here what was on the board:
A slow cooker. A ninja blender. A fancy washer and dryer- yes the ones that cost thousands of US dollars. A bodybuilder’s body. Travel around America on a road trip. A BMW. A house on the mountains like you see in a car commercial. A happy family with a husband and four children. Two girls and two boys.
The miracle (somewhat out of my control) is the family one. Would you believe I’m on track for that one? The Lord blesses me! At the time I was legally married with two daughters. My son came and I would like another son someday. The house in snowy North Dakota will be achieved if I want. All others have been fulfilled. I cried when I located this poster board recently.
- Your goals and aspirations are between you and God- through Him all things are possible
As difficult as it may be, shut off the noise. Shut off the distractions. If it doesn’t aim towards your goal should you allow any of your energy to have it? Get rid of self-doubt. The negative scene, people or
Who will stop you if the Lord is with you? When David from the Bible kept on having incredible success on the battlefield, King Saul asked: “How?”
“The Lord is with me.” He answered.
The Lord will be with you too. If you allow Him. He hasn’t abandoned you. He desires greatness from you- and expects it. There is no need to stress or be envious with what you do not have. As long as you use honest methods. Start building, remain consistent, learn, grow and focused, you will get what your heart desires.
Advice: keep it to yourself. You’re only an inspiration after you achieve. Some might suggest to let the world know of your goals because you’re most likely to follow through. Well, how has that worked out for the online braggers? Instead, share with a few loved ones who are close to you. They will be watching. Even they are skeptical and still need to see results so you will have to follow through with that personal audience watching.
I depart with these two verses:
Psalm 37:4 4Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 20:4 4May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.
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