Tag: family

What keeps me self-disciplined?

Posted in Being Human. Format Post format: Link

Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be, be one.

Marcus Aurelius

Mostly everyone knows what they need to do to get what they want. If you want to lose weight: eat healthily and exercise. If you want wealth: save and invest. Both of these examples require sacrifice. Which many are capable of doing…. for the moment at least. Then comes in the procrastination littered with self-help books, diet trends, expensive trainers and wealth seminars which robs you from both time and money.

What many people lack is the ability to be consistent with the work to meet their goal and the self-discipline it requires. How does one remain focus in this busy world? We know we must overcome our desire for short term pleasure to meet our meaningful long term goal- but how does one accomplish this?

For starters, it is never motivation.

When I must meet a goal, I never used motivation to get me there because that is a feeling that comes and goes. Motivation isn’t there with me at 3 AM when I’m breastfeeding my daughter. I use discipline, which operates as a contract.

For I want to achieve in this, there are things I now need to do.

There is no such thing as a “small goal.” If it requires you to have self-discipline, it is a big deal. Part of this big deal of having discipline is structure and maintenance. It can get boring. So, how does an individual stay structured? Stay maintaining? Stay disciplined?

Here are 8 ways on how I stay disciplined:

  1. Know and understand your goal

Once you figure out what you want to achieve, learn the steps and tools you need in order to reach it. Don’t overload yourself with data because that can be discouraging. Instead, focus on what you need to do now. Work with what you have available to you now. And answer this: why are you going to commit to this exciting journey? This will help you stay disciplined.

2. Start slow- then doors will open up

When my teenage daughter began to show interest in playing basketball, she immediately wanted an (expensive) pair of basketball sneakers. “The sneakers will help me look more like a basketball player!” She explained. Well. She is correct. The sneakers will help her look like a basketball player. Not actually be a basketball player. Is this Halloween? Or are you serious in the sport? If you’re serious, only skills will make you be one. She will develop the skills through practice and discipline.

She showed me that it isn’t Halloween.

She is serious and used the resources that are currently available to her: an old pair of sneakers, daily access to a basketball court, a ball, commitment and time. Within 6 months of training, the sneakers she wanted (which she had forgotten about) came to her as well as many opportunities within the sport.

3. Have a (private) audience, you respect and love

Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.

Carl Jung

When you’re committed to achieving success, it can be rather lonely. Or if you made no (small) announcement about your goal, you might get lazy. What is important is to avoid these natural human flaws. The best way is to not make your “inspiring” journey public but rather, let those in your inner circle know. They will support you, encourage you and you’re reminded that they are watching you.

For me, it is my children.

Once you have children, you quickly realize that they don’t listen. You can say whatever you like: in one ear out the other. How does a parent get through to these little humans? The answer is through your action. The children aren’t listening, but they are watching.

For instance, many parents want to know how to get their children to eat more healthy. I ask them: do you eat healthy yourself? If so, they will follow. If not, they will also follow. And I’m not talking about a freakish diet or one healthy meal. It’s a lifestyle. Commit to it, sincerely enjoy it and your children will want to join. It will also help keep you disciplined to the point of the lifestyle becoming natural, no longer difficult.

For this, it is best to work in silence and allow your work to speak. At the same time, share your goal with a love one- in person. No need for a social media annocement.

4. Remove the naysayers and learn from the wise

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain- and most fools do.

Dale Carnegie

Here comes the very popular unsolicited advice. The ones who are threatened by you taking a risk. The ones who are in no position to tell you what you need to do. The negative. Holding you back, since they’ve missed out and have become regretful- even bitter.

They declare they’re “realistic” but have no insurance themselves. If they were realistic about life, wouldn’t they have done things differently? Or at the very least, encourage you not make their mistakes? It almost comes off as if they want you to repeat their mistakes!

They might have good intentions, but how many wars were started with good intentions? They might express they have “wisdom” and experience- but they lack both since they offer no hope or way out, only to stress and cause strife.

You must set boundaries with these types. If they are unrelated people, cut them off. If it is your grandmother or father- love from a distance. Listen to them politely and then discard. Most love ones want to see you do mediocre in life. Your goals and ambitions upset them for having none. It’s a quiet reminder that they could’ve gained anything they wanted in life, but was too ignorant or scared.

Remember: the person you accept their advice from is the life you are working towards living.

Instead, seek from those who have already mastered what you wish to master. You can even learn from historical figures or present influencers. However, don’t compare yourself to them. You want to gain knowledge on how this individual remained discipline and what methods they took to accomplished their goal. For your end result is unique because it is done by you.

5. Understand it takes 8-10 years to master a skill: patience

After you turned off the noise, it’s time to take steps in the direction of your goal.

In today’s world, we have been wildly spoiled by the instant. We want instant results because we have instant messager. But know this truth: things that take longer to develop are more valuable. Things that come to quickly and easy are taken for granted and often less appreciated.

Think of how you spend the money you earned versus if you had won. Think of the time and energy spent at the gym rather than having a bypass surgery for instant fat loss. Or in love? Think of how quickly the fire of passion died out by your third date. People tend to celebrate weddings rather marriage itself, creating false expectations of pure joy all the time.

If you expect to accomplish your goal and master the field- you have to put in the time. As mentioned in the previous point, the person you seek for wisdom in your field had at least this amount of years dedicated in the industry. You will only want to hear from this accomplished person, not one in the making or someone with potential. We all have the potential.

But not all are disciplined, driven and have succeeded. This is especially important to learn because you will need tons of discipline and focus for many years to come.

6. Be consistent and know when it’s time to change your method

Understanding there are no short cuts to success, patience is virtual. There is a way to soften this however. Seek out the smaller task and don’t obsess with the bigger picture: read a fat book. (Long term goal) Never mind it has 30 chapters. Start with chapter 1. (Small steps) Continue each day, no matter how much or little you read. (Consistency) You will be amazed that you gone through that entire book when you’re done. (Goal met)

If you notice after some time, your goal isn’t being met- how do you know if you need to try harder or try something completely different?

Money is always a great indicator.

If you have been wildly passionate in a subject for over the years but gain no wealth– you don’t have anything but a hobby. It’s time for you to invest your energy elsewhere. Your work will be noticed if the market wants it. It is difficult to pass on something that is too good. If you’re an excellent artist, your work will sell, not your passion. Often people are blinded by love with their work. When in reality, they’ll thrieve and are needed in another industry if they only make the move.

If you’re in the right field but keep getting stuck- use the trial and error method. You know it’s possible to lose the stubborn last 10 pounds. Reevaluate your routine. Perhaps diet soda is hindering your goal. You tried everything else. Now eliminate the diet soda and replace it with a protein shake. The results should show within 3 weeks.

Many people will stop here due to “I tried.” But no one makes history from the effort put in. You must succeed.

7. Never play the victim or speak about yourself

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Dale Carnegie

If you give up, or won’t even start your goal- you’ll live to regret it. Everyone has a billion reasons on why they “can’t” do something. All you need is one reason why you can: because you should.

Those who complain why they couldn’t or why they currently can’t- are always a drag to have around. They seem to be attracting bad luck to them- and perhaps secretly enjoy it. Stay away from these individuals, their misery is infectiousness. Avoid becoming this type yourself by freeing your insecure thoughts through service.

Speaking about yourself (especially when no one asked) is a sign of a troublesome person. No- your childhood is not inspiring. Goals met in the face of struggle is inspiring. Most people aren’t interested in your past troubles. But what is interesting is when it is commonly known you had a struggle and overcame it against the odds. Let others speak of it, you work towards bettering yourself from yesterday.

Many people had a difficult past themselves. We have so much in common! The world is filled with sorrow, misery, and pain. We as humans are uncomfortable to be reminded about this. So spare us the dysfunctional upbringing. Instead, speak of life. Speak of hope- through your discipline work.

8. Want to help distant others? Start by helping yourself first and those closest to you

When people begin their journey to achieve their goal, it might’ve started out to be for themsleves. Now the results are kicking in. You might say to yourself: “Hey. I want my work to branch out. I want to reach as many people, influence and help people with their struggle I once had!”

Slow down pal.

A noble idea but a silly one.

How can you save the entire world? That task is too large and reserved for God Himself. But you can still help– those who are interested in your newfound wisdom will come, which will penetrate throughout society.

Whatever you have learned through your journey, say cooking in hopes to open your own food truck. You should feed your family first- free of charge. Let them experience your delicious recipes. Let them offer a review. Teach anyone in your home if they show interest. The food will be soon tested by their co-workers. Gym goers. Church people. Payment is proof your food and service is good.

A woman may have good intentions by marching for women rights- but how is her relationship at home with her mother? With her daughter? Part of staying focus and discipline is to remember your overall goal. There is still much to learn in life. Many get arrogant and this derails their trip to success.

A wise man knows that he doesn’t know. You can always learn and grow more.

You may not be the savior of the world, but to one person, you are their world.

Even if that one person is you.

Take care of yourself.

4 reasons why I’m a conservative

Posted in Being Human, Family, God and science, Politics, Short Stories. Format Post format: Link

For man, the universe is already defaulted to pull back. Destruction is an easy and natural thing. Creation requires energy, intelligence, and even bravery. However, if one looks further, the universe actually operates beautifully in order.

Where I come from, you weren’t supposed to be a conservative. Everyone around me supported the welfare state- even those in the workforce. It didn’t matter if one was in corporate, a college graduate to a high school drop out, religious or secular- they all agreed on one thing: how to vote. By using your heart (although many were heartless) and vote for the Democrat Party.

As a child, the elderly would call me: disrespectful. Outspoken. Rebellious. But to this day, I never disrespect the elderly. So why was I called these things? Simply because I think.

Once when I was young, I went with my mother to go vote. I asked, “Which one are we? Democrat or Republican?”

She answered, “We are Democrats.”

“Okay. Why?” I asked.

“Because we aren’t rich.”

Discontent with that answer, I replied: “Well, then. I want to be rich, so I’ll be a Republican.”

Immediately she stopped walking and we looked at each other. The look on her face resembled of a CNN anchor. This must be the ‘disrespectful speech’ everone says I give.

Many of these examples I have. In my youth, I tended to crash with most people due to the difference in worldviews. I believe man is born evil but can strive to become great- if he chooses. (Not a common view.) Many believe he is born good with society corrupting him and could never become the noble savage again. (Sad!)

As a young child, I always knew what I wanted in life. I always had a sense of what is good and what is evil. Most things taught to me (at home, school, and church) always seem to contradict. Is life this confusing? Furthermore, I noticed those who claim to be intellectuals were saying the same exact thing as an illiterate street bum. The self-proclaimed intellects differ with wording it more eloquently and offering a reason for their behavior.

Once understood that I actually grew up under these socialist policies and people- I needed to hear the other side.

The obstacle one takes when wanting just to hear the other side is a big step. But what required next is bravery: to leave the socialist state, its false promises and subjects for something which offered no security, uncertainty, unpredictable but full freedom.

There were two types of women from where I come from: the job-driven woman and the welfare woman. Both in common they had were miserable lives. There has to be a third option.

Yes! The woman I read about in books and witness from afar. The one the Bible speaks about. The woman who becomes a wife and stays home with her children. She has a husband, home, privacy and labor seemed to be 1000% less. More beautiful, free and safe. It’s even romantic: just her and her husband.

All this I gathered on my own. It still amazes me that a young girl from Spanish Harlem can actually break the chains of statistics, overcome the sweet whispers of a false ‘independent woman’ status and the seduction of marriage to the state- without any support other than my faith in God, my husband, and my mind.

This is what motivated me personally. I wanted to be a wife and mother. I also wanted the ability to earn as much or little as I please. After I figured that out, everything else made sense- without the contradictions. I had to start a new life. I had to leave the socialism I was born into.

*Understand the term conservative. I do not wish to conserve the state but to conserve the idea of what made the American great and the Bill of Rights.

Here are the 4 reasons why I’m a conservative:

1. Profit is a good thing

When I heard cheers from my environment, celebrating being “broke” and “poor” I knew it didn’t sound right. Are you poor in nutrition? Low in protein? Then you might be poor. But it is the animal who is forever poor. Humans, particularity Americans, can change their situation. Never say you’re poor.

People should work- especially men. Being rewarded with cash for your services and/or goods is proof that someone needs you. It’s proof that you are not just helping yourself, but you’re helping others. You are seen. You are heard.

Work also provides communication skills, growth, patience, practice, time management, self-control, financial freedom and self-respect among many other things.

The alternative to earning money is a gun: theft and death. I’m strongly against the utopian lie of living a life in the paradise of no work. It sounds like hell. Even within the Garden of Eden did God put Adam to work! Man must have meaning in his life. He can find that through his work. The higher the quality and his performance, the higher his bank account.

This should be celebrated by allowing him the fruits of his labor. You simply cannot take what belongs to the man who has earned, transfer his wealth to the man who has not earned while expecting the same results of the honest earner. How could you subsidize irresponsibility by punishing the responsible? This is not only killing work ethics on both parts and society, but it is insulting to a person’s self-worth.

Allow and encourage greatness.

Which brings me to my next point.

2. Freedom of Speech

Freedom of expression. Religious freedoms. Freedom of thought. Freedom to own property- that includes weapons.

How can we grow as productive human beings when our minds aren’t allowed to think? Is it no wonder why the West won World War 2?

It wasn’t because Americans are brilliant and Germans are slow to pick up in science to create the A-bomb. It is because our economy is free and allows innovation to take place- without approval from a dictatorship. (Although FDR had many dictatorship traits and policies- still less than the enemy.) The speed to build up with the best quality only happened because America has the freedom to do so.

Hitler at one point didn’t even want to discuss the possibility of A-bomb because “it was a Jewish weapon.” This primitive socialist racism actually hurt him in the war. While in a free market system- there is no time for such rubbish. If you can produce, America needs you.

In order for this idea called ‘free market’ to be fully exercised to its potential, freedom of speech must be encouraged. Before an exchange of goods can happen, an exchange of ideas must occur.

In a socialist society, these ideas can interrupt those in power. It can even be twisted into ‘treason.’ Therefore, any progress in medicine, technology and business is slow to none.

3. Pro-family

Would the world be better off with more single people or married people? Orphans or children with married parents? “Finding yourself” for many decades or committing yourself to one person and building?

Family is something that puts requirements, restrains you from acting improperly and making terrible, hurtful decisions. All without government intervention.

The family prepares you for business if you think about it: your parents are the boss with authority, love, and respect. Your siblings are co-workers. Your grandparents sit on the Board of Directors or better yet, the Worker’s Union due to always siding with you. (But secerctly sides with your parents.) Cousins are customers when they come over. The family unit really resembles a business.

Children without a family, grow into broken adults. This is why the state needs to rid of the family in order to rescue the broken masses.

If people come from strong homes, with mother and father married- this can threaten the state’s power. The control of centralized power within the state rests on problems. If the citizens are making terrible choices (all stemming from their childhood) then the state needs to gain control. Since there is no such thing as an individual in a socialist state, (only a community), the community will all suffer the iron fist and submit to daddy government to reestablish order.

Remember: although the goal is a pretend utopia, there still must be an order of conduct to obtain it. The state is more than willing to step in. If the citizens give up their rights peacefully, even better. To help expedite this “compassion” children belong to the state.

Truth is be told: it takes parents, not a village, to raise a child.

4. I don’t like being told what to do

Similar to freedom of thought, I don’t like being told what to do or what to think. Socialism requires you to sacrifice everything for “the greater good.” Your wealth, heart, mind, and soul.

There is no greater good! Well, if you believe man is born good and just got evil along the way, then yes. You might want to help him achieve his original state. This is why socialism constantly needs to “renew” and “refresh.” It needs a revolution every 50-70 years. It needs obedience to create this “New Soviet Man.”

While I respect my God, parents, spouse, army and country- I will not be told to bow. There are many ways throughout history to bow down against your freewill. Some is through actual bowing. Others are in form of taxation and supporting ideas you oppose.

This goes against the Bill of Rights. The American.

Living as a puppet is no life. Living within unnecessary limits for the sake of “security” is not life. Life is brief. Life should be of worth and meaningful. Life is already hard, but much harder when you’re denied the right to actually live.

There are many reasons why I’m a conservative: religion, patriotism, responsibility, profit, family, and freedom. Overall, I need to work. My work is at home.

Understand the best rewards in life are the ones that are met with the most struggle to obtain it. Accomplishment is best only when greeted with a challenge.

Please, don’t hand anything to me. Don’t take away my ability to think and earn. I’m a conservative and want to experience life.

Be selfish for you can be generous

Posted in Being Human, Love, Religion. Format Post format: Link3 Comments

No man will work for your interest unless they are his

David Seabury

The quote above tells how the entire world works. However, America has executed this truth in a unique way. Which its result caused an abundance of wealth, leadership and security.

Being selfish has always been seen as a negative thing.

In the East, it’s every man for his own. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours… maybe.

Unless you are someone who appears to have wealth, a tourist (or if you’re dealing with a seriously religious person)- the world is not a fan of generosity. They must think of themselves and then close relatives in order to survive.

The West, particularly America, on the other hand, has a different motto which separates itself from the rest of the world.

Whether in a large scale such as America getting involved in foreign wars: a selfish motive unless it’s a direct attack or to prevent one, for the citizens of the United States.

How about on a smaller scale such as the individual: one investing on his own needs before doing favors for others- also may seem selfish.

The way America has handled foreign policy to a personal citizen’s choice, has overall been a step to the right direction.

America conducts itself differently

To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means to preserving peace

George Washington Jan. 8th 1790 First annual message to congress

The 5 Star general military expert and America’s first president was aware that if potential enemies know that America is ready for war, with weapons and training, then enemies will not even flirt with the idea to commit aggression against the United States.

This thinking from our nation’s beloved first president still holds truth today. Washington is not only talking about a well–formed army (which many countries already have) but its citizens also to be armed and disciplined.

Another popular idea of many countries is foreign involvement. Mostly for real estate, power and control reasons. America is different from this policy as well. Washington tells America to avoid being dragged into overseas conflict:

It is our true policy to steer clear of permanent alliance with any portion of the foreign world…. are essentially foreign to our concerns…. America’s detached and distant situation… [should be an easier avoidant into warfare.]

George Washington

Washington made it clear if a nation which “indulges towards another a habitual hatred or a habitual fondness is in some degree a slave’– it gets distracted and suspends its only duty of pursuing its own true interest.

Two easy ways the American can avoid meddling into foreign affairs: our values are different. Our geographical location, separated from the world by two large oceans also represents something deeper. It brings us back to our first point of having different ideas of a nation.

Although the wisdom of Washington cannot be stressed more, Americans have recently abandoned their leader’s advice and joined the activities of the world. After WW2, the NATO agreement offered very little for the American but gave much American money and man power for Europe.

America is able to do good while being the first to respond to tragedies; both domestically and internationally because America focused on itself for many years. America also set the bar high for human achievement and became a world influence by setting an upright example in practice that the world wishes to mimic.

Should the individual be selfish to eventually become generous?

Well, how else can one offer something if he doesn’t have the means to offer?

Just because someone is willing to do something doesn’t mean much if he isn’t ready to provide it.

Similar to Washington’s advice to prepare for warfare- even if you’re not going to war, one must be ready to back up the talk to avoid the fight. Now, how can he prepare himself if he has no weapons? No training? No right to bare arms?

At an early stage of the nation or individual, these values must be taught. It is also better to learn skills and have training young in order to make life much more easier for the long run.

If your noble goal is to serve your community (and profit comes second or none)- God bless you for your rare motive! This too was the pilgrims’ desire: to create God’s kingdom on earth. Gold came second or not even important. However, the pilgrims still had to offer something uniquely different from the world. Their knowledge of scriptures and carrying it out daily, took a massive commitment to lifetime training and dedication.

If the goal was to, for example, teach reading for people can read the Bible, (many people all over the world were illiterate)- then first the teacher needed to know how to read for himself. At one point in his life, this teacher spent hours learning how to read, and then to understand the Bible. Only after this is he able to teach others.

People will listen to those who understand and practices his work- not to someone who speaks like a blabbering pagan.

Suppose your main goal is profit. Honestly, profit is the best goal. While I agree with the pilgrims’ religious teachings, I would certainly disagree with the Marxist teachings. Had a Marxist came off the Mayflower, free or pay- I am not interested in a Marxist utopian idea. You might not be interested in the Bible. But money is the proof of hard work and free exchange for all ideas. This is where a Marxist and religious person can shake hands in a transaction.

In order to do so, one party must have previously invested his time to create and develop his service or product. It might have seemed selfish when he started his mission, but the community eventually benefited through his sacrifice of immediate pleasure for a long term goal of uncertain wealth.

On the flip side, the consumer must have earned his wealth elsewhere in order to purchase the innovator’s product. The consumer himself is an investor: both in the product and how he obtains his wealth to even make this transaction.

Another motivation is love.

Have you seen anyone more selfish than a 15-year-old boy? Everything is certainly about him. But introduce a beautiful girl, now the young boy has the interest to suddenly become a highly skilled electrician to purchase this girl the best flowers he can.

No matter for the greater good, profit or love- one must develop himself in order to be generous. This requires disciple, structure, sacrifice, practice, training and even isolation in order to achieve greatness.

The time when the act of selfishness must be suspended

Is there a time or situation when being selfish must be avoided?

Yes.

In relationships: Marriage. As individuals with parents. As parents with children. There is no room for your selfish ways at this moment.

One thing I’ve notice reading Ayn Rand books is that there are no children in them. Also translating to, no future.

There must be a future. A purpose in order to have a meaningful life.

When you’re in a relationship, it‘s a two way street. You might not want to visit grandma and watch watch her play crossword puzzles with an old neighbor named Sally. But as her grandchild, you know you’re obligated to do so every Sunday afternoon.

Although it’s only one day of the week she sees you, you’re the reason why she gets out of bed each day. She looks forward to your Sunday visits starting when you leave Sunday evening. Even if they are spent in silence, your presence alone shows you care.

After you leave your weekly visit, you have a sense of worth. You not only committed to family but you begin to think: I won’t be alone either when I’m her age.

This works the opposite: be generous (with your time, something that requires zero training). You’ll experience by doing so, you’re actually gaining self-control. Honoring your word. Patience. Human interaction. So much more virtues that you can take with you into the workforce and in romace.

You’ll eventually have the same treatment in return. Even if there is nothing to gain other than your smile. Remember, like money, people are attracted to good energy. Something you have unknowligly developed through your Sunday visits with grandma.

The same works with gift giving. This has been practiced in every culture for thousands of years.

You’re giving not because the Bible says so, your parents or even society told you too. You’re giving because you want too. Again, invest in yourself for you can experience this joy at anytime.

What is the hidden exchange with gift giving?

First, the person you’re giving too must accept your gift. Their smile, joy, and suspense are worth the giving. This brings a sensation to you of accomplishment.

You were not only thanked, but for a moment you were seen. Heard. Even within love, there is a trade-off.

The trade off is not material, but more of a spiritual one.

This is one, which is love, is the best deal made.

Enjoy marriage: How to get your husband to do anything

Posted in Being Human, Family, God and science, Love. Format Post format: Link2 Comments

Yes, I have discovered the answer to one of life’s greatest secret treasures: how to get your husband to do what you want.

Please.

Hold the applause until the end.

Reading up on Men’s magazines, their books and eavesdropping in on their podcast- I learned a bit more about our furry partners called men. Apparently, the fur is designed to protect men from facing nature’s danger… and it’s also used as a defensive mechanism against other creatures- including women!

But it wasn’t until many years of marriage and having a son did I finally get to tap in (from a far distance because I still lack understanding of the male species) on the man’s brain.

Is there a way to get across to our husbands, peacefully while achieving a win/win outcome?

Oh, you better believe it!

Ladies.
No more nagging.
No more complaining.
No more explaining.
No more silent treatment.

No more “constructive criticism.” – (They really dislike this one. More on this later.)
Note to men: Please let me know if I’m correct, almost or not even close.

Time to sit back and enjoy marriage like it’s designed for.

It’s clear we love our husbands. However, society insists people are “born this way.” As some fool once said, “If you love someone, you wouldn’t change them.”

Give me a break.

Life is about change and growth. We aren’t animals in a vicious cycle, are we? No. We have a purpose. A constant yearning to strive. A challenge. A goal with structure and deadlines. Accomplishment in the face of struggle makes us alive.

Therefore, of course, we want our husband to grow. We want him with more money. More time with us and the children. More help around the house. More in touch with God. (And with more muscle…) When we bring this up, it comes off to him as “complaints and nagging” to his ears.

Bottom line he isn’t listening via talk or email. You’re not getting through to him.

Next, you seriously sit down and have a conversation with him. You politely explain to him that you love him. This is only constructive criticism which is intended to help both of us- our marriage, you rationalize.

Yikes. That did it.

Translation to a man’s brain: I’m not man enough?! Nothing is ever good for you. You’re comparing me to other men. I lack ambition? I work my butt off for this family! 

Sounds familiar?

Well. May I suggest another route? Honestly.

What else do you have to lose?

These 4 methods have been proven in my personal life. I’ve also seen it done within marriages of over 15+ years. Each method goes accordingly to different circumstances. Be wise about your approach. Be honest as well. The arguments will lessen. The stress is less. Both parties will get what they want- and yes. The love and romance will skyrocket.

Absence makes the heart fonder

Time apart does wonders. Ask any corporate and/or military wife. Being apart from one another makes us want each other more. Including doing acts for the other spouse. Promises you now make while apart, to which you do intend to keep because that is how much you miss each other! You’ll be amazed at the level of flirtation, text messages and romance received through distance. Once united: it will feel so good!

Always see each other? Well, buzz off somewhere for a few hours! Tell him to visit his parents. Or encourage him to get a testosterone boost by hanging out with his buddies. (Men need male bonding more than women need “girl time.” More on that within a different post.) Go out shopping without him but take his credit card. (You see, he is still there.. via MasterCard.) Just take some time apart where you can actually recharge and miss each other.

Eye contact

Sometimes words don’t need to be spoken. A look of seduction. Or a look in need will get the job done.

Don’t be confused with the silent treatment, which can go on for days and turn ugly. This eye contact is a one time use, and use it for a brief interaction.

Suppose he is being difficult. Just stop the conversation by looking at him. Smile halfway. Then let him proceed. The moment of silence (with a Mona Lisa smile) will make him rethink his position. This one works extremely well for me, personally and requires little from my end.

How are you dressed?

This is my favorite because I’m a master at this.

Men are visual creatures. Although men don’t care if you are wearing a $2,000 dress or a $20 dress- they want you to look good. (This grooming helps our mood if we do. This is also a win/win.) Yes, your husband “loves you for who you are.” Also, I’m aware you “love your husband through hard times.” But why place yourself there when it’s unnecessary?

Men: don’t assume your wife will be tolerant for long if you’re unemployed for too long. Women: don’t expect your husband to still lust after you when you haven’t waxed your eyebrows in 2 years and he only sees you in a grandmother’s nightgown.

Men want their women so attractive, they will even provide the funding. Give it a try.

Next time he comes home, make sure you’re wearing a dress with heels and have your hair done. Bonus if you have food ready for him.

His mood will be lifted. Make this a lifestyle because doing it once- it gets pretty suspicious and may come across artificial. Men love a natural feminine woman. They strongly dislike a woman they have to compete with. Be his companion. His helper. He is already fighting against the world. He already loves you. (A man doesn’t marry for security, wealth or status purposes. They do so for love.) This type of effort from your part will urge him to move mountains for you.

You wouldn’t believe what I got my husband to do just by dressing up in a red dress, red lipstick, heels and having his dinner ready for him before he came home.

The man suddenly became a highly skilled carpenter. (Among other things!) Besides. I do enjoy how my legs look in this outfit…

Now. For The Secret Weapon: OTHER MEN!

Here it is. Try using “logic” to get your husband to make a move. Try crying. Try sex even. It won’t work!

Do you know men turn off a woman’s speech just after the first 6 minutes? That’s why you’re repeating yourself and reassuring he is listening. (He is not.) But men can honestly hear another man speak (with the same message!) for hours! Outrageous, I’ll say.

If you want your husband, for example, to exercise more- he has to hear the message from his friends. There is no other choice. This is the secret weapon right here: It has to come from other men he respects.

The idea also has to come from him when you both sit down and talk about it. Men have a strong desire to be needed. Their brains. Their muscle. Their love must be needed. They want to be able to provide and protect. They need to deliver results. They have a deep longing to be needed.., especially by a woman! ONE woman.

While women, (who don’t want that burden of being needed) desire to be wanted. You do want your husband to want you? To cater to you? To know what you want? Well then. Allow him to figure things out. To take charge. Let him know you need him.

If your husband discusses growth with another man, he will come home to you excited like a young boy who just received a Ninja Turtle toy: “Honey, guess what? A great idea!” (An idea that you secretly wanted him to jump on for a while.)

Think back to any bright ideas you may have had. Sure, he might have agreed to do them. Only to deliver with a sloppy job with a half heart in it- hoping it will fail. He is eager to say to you: You see. I told you so!

But if it came from him, he cannot retreat to this conduct. He must follow through. It is best sealed when it came from speaking or even watching other men.

After the task is complete, he will be a new man. A better one. A stronger one. He will also know he couldn’t have accomplished it without you.

Therefore, both parties will get what their hearts truly desires. However, in order to do this- one must use their head.

Now go ahead and have your husband build that bookcase you’ve been wanting him to do.

Don’t forget to put on lipstick!

The good that came from the Brett Kavanaugh hearings?

Posted in Being Human, Politics, Religion. 1 Comment

Let’s be clear: I’m not a fan of corrupt means to achieve the goal. I’m not in favor of sacrificing the innocent for the greater good. Although time consuming and discipline is required, we can have both: honest methods = honest results in America. However, as a religious person, I do believe God can take… Continue reading The good that came from the Brett Kavanaugh hearings?

7 ways to obtain the Fountain of Youth… without socialism

Posted in Being Human, Family, Love. 3 Comments

  Readers caution: Most of you are aware. I speak a foreign language. It’s called: The truth. The things you will inquire below will indeed make you uncomfortable. Some things will be refreshing. Some things might sound otherworldly and far-fetch. I speak out of experience and through heavy observation of studying others.      … Continue reading 7 ways to obtain the Fountain of Youth… without socialism

Toxic masculinity is an oxymoron

Posted in Being Human, Family, God and science, History, Politics, Short Stories. 1 Comment

Masculinity isn’t toxic and toxic isn’t masculinity.   When author Ayn Rand first came to the United States of America from Russia, she couldn’t believe her eyes. She had once experienced a comfortable life prior to the up-rise of the  Bolsheviks under Vladimir Lenin. She was 12 years old during the Russian Revolution. The Bolsheviks… Continue reading Toxic masculinity is an oxymoron

All politics is sexual politics. Here is why.

Posted in Being Human, God and science, History, Politics, Religion. 2 Comments

Long before the Declaration of Independence was drafted by the Second Continental Congress and the US gained its independence. Even before Christ walked on earth. Push more back further, the Roman Empire conquering and the Germanic Tribes challenging them. Slave trade Arabs and the purchase of Joseph. One can go back into earlier primitive human… Continue reading All politics is sexual politics. Here is why.

Eliminate the Death Tax

Posted in Being Human, God and science, History, Politics, Religion. 1 Comment

Ever ask yourself “Why is God asking this from me, when I don’t feel like it?” Or “Why is God expecting this from me when I desire to do otherwise?” It can be anything: He asks us to give- when we might want to hold on. He asks us to Remember the Sabbath- when we… Continue reading Eliminate the Death Tax

The Bicycle: The Importance of Siblings

Posted in Being Human, Family, God and science, Love, Short Stories. 2 Comments

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.”   Romans 12:10        Often when one thinks of a sibling, “love” doesn’t immediately come to mind. Despite if that was the reason or intention of the relationship. What we do frequently hear, is about the infamous “sibling rivalry” instead.… Continue reading The Bicycle: The Importance of Siblings