What keeps me self-disciplined?

Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be, be one.

Marcus Aurelius

Mostly everyone knows what they need to do to get what they want. If you want to lose weight: eat healthily and exercise. If you want wealth: save and invest. Both of these examples require sacrifice. Which many are capable of doing…. for the moment at least. Then comes in the procrastination littered with self-help books, diet trends, expensive trainers and wealth seminars which robs you from both time and money.

What many people lack is the ability to be consistent with the work to meet their goal and the self-discipline it requires. How does one remain focus in this busy world? We know we must overcome our desire for short term pleasure to meet our meaningful long term goal- but how does one accomplish this?

For starters, it is never motivation.

When I must meet a goal, I never used motivation to get me there because that is a feeling that comes and goes. Motivation isn’t there with me at 3 AM when I’m breastfeeding my daughter. I use discipline, which operates as a contract.

For I want to achieve in this, there are things I now need to do.

There is no such thing as a “small goal.” If it requires you to have self-discipline, it is a big deal. Part of this big deal of having discipline is structure and maintenance. It can get boring. So, how does an individual stay structured? Stay maintaining? Stay disciplined?


Here are 8 ways on how I stay disciplined:

  1. Know and understand your goal

Once you figure out what you want to achieve, learn the steps and tools you need in order to reach it. Don’t overload yourself with data because that can be discouraging. Instead, focus on what you need to do now. Work with what you have available to you now. And answer this: why are you going to commit to this exciting journey? This will help you stay disciplined.

2. Start slow- then doors will open up

When my teenage daughter began to show interest in playing basketball, she immediately wanted an (expensive) pair of basketball sneakers. “The sneakers will help me look more like a basketball player!” She explained. Well. She is correct. The sneakers will help her look like a basketball player. Not actually be a basketball player. Is this Halloween? Or are you serious in the sport? If you’re serious, only skills will make you be one. She will develop the skills through practice and discipline.

She showed me that it isn’t Halloween.

She is serious and used the resources that are currently available to her: an old pair of sneakers, daily access to a basketball court, a ball, commitment and time. Within 6 months of training, the sneakers she wanted (which she had forgotten about) came to her as well as many opportunities within the sport.

3. Have a (private) audience, you respect and love

Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.

Carl Jung

When you’re committed to achieving success, it can be rather lonely. Or if you made no (small) announcement about your goal, you might get lazy. What is important is to avoid these natural human flaws. The best way is to not make your “inspiring” journey public but rather, let those in your inner circle know. They will support you, encourage you and you’re reminded that they are watching you.

For me, it is my children.

Once you have children, you quickly realize that they don’t listen. You can say whatever you like: in one ear out the other. How does a parent get through to these little humans? The answer is through your action. The children aren’t listening, but they are watching.

For instance, many parents want to know how to get their children to eat more healthy. I ask them: do you eat healthy yourself? If so, they will follow. If not, they will also follow. And I’m not talking about a freakish diet or one healthy meal. It’s a lifestyle. Commit to it, sincerely enjoy it and your children will want to join. It will also help keep you disciplined to the point of the lifestyle becoming natural, no longer difficult.

For this, it is best to work in silence and allow your work to speak. At the same time, share your goal with a love one- in person. No need for a social media annocement.

4. Remove the naysayers and learn from the wise

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain- and most fools do.

Dale Carnegie

Here comes the very popular unsolicited advice. The ones who are threatened by you taking a risk. The ones who are in no position to tell you what you need to do. The negative. Holding you back, since they’ve missed out and have become regretful- even bitter.

They declare they’re “realistic” but have no insurance themselves. If they were realistic about life, wouldn’t they have done things differently? Or at the very least, encourage you not make their mistakes? It almost comes off as if they want you to repeat their mistakes!

They might have good intentions, but how many wars were started with good intentions? They might express they have “wisdom” and experience- but they lack both since they offer no hope or way out, only to stress and cause strife.

You must set boundaries with these types. If they are unrelated people, cut them off. If it is your grandmother or father- love from a distance. Listen to them politely and then discard. Most love ones want to see you do mediocre in life. Your goals and ambitions upset them for having none. It’s a quiet reminder that they could’ve gained anything they wanted in life, but was too ignorant or scared.

Remember: the person you accept their advice from is the life you are working towards living.

Instead, seek from those who have already mastered what you wish to master. You can even learn from historical figures or present influencers. However, don’t compare yourself to them. You want to gain knowledge on how this individual remained discipline and what methods they took to accomplished their goal. For your end result is unique because it is done by you.

5. Understand it takes 8-10 years to master a skill: patience

After you turned off the noise, it’s time to take steps in the direction of your goal.

In today’s world, we have been wildly spoiled by the instant. We want instant results because we have instant messager. But know this truth: things that take longer to develop are more valuable. Things that come to quickly and easy are taken for granted and often less appreciated.

Think of how you spend the money you earned versus if you had won. Think of the time and energy spent at the gym rather than having a bypass surgery for instant fat loss. Or in love? Think of how quickly the fire of passion died out by your third date. People tend to celebrate weddings rather marriage itself, creating false expectations of pure joy all the time.

If you expect to accomplish your goal and master the field- you have to put in the time. As mentioned in the previous point, the person you seek for wisdom in your field had at least this amount of years dedicated in the industry. You will only want to hear from this accomplished person, not one in the making or someone with potential. We all have the potential.

But not all are disciplined, driven and have succeeded. This is especially important to learn because you will need tons of discipline and focus for many years to come.

6. Be consistent and know when it’s time to change your method

Understanding there are no short cuts to success, patience is virtual. There is a way to soften this however. Seek out the smaller task and don’t obsess with the bigger picture: read a fat book. (Long term goal) Never mind it has 30 chapters. Start with chapter 1. (Small steps) Continue each day, no matter how much or little you read. (Consistency) You will be amazed that you gone through that entire book when you’re done. (Goal met)

If you notice after some time, your goal isn’t being met- how do you know if you need to try harder or try something completely different?

Money is always a great indicator.

If you have been wildly passionate in a subject for over the years but gain no wealth– you don’t have anything but a hobby. It’s time for you to invest your energy elsewhere. Your work will be noticed if the market wants it. It is difficult to pass on something that is too good. If you’re an excellent artist, your work will sell, not your passion. Often people are blinded by love with their work. When in reality, they’ll thrieve and are needed in another industry if they only make the move.

If you’re in the right field but keep getting stuck- use the trial and error method. You know it’s possible to lose the stubborn last 10 pounds. Reevaluate your routine. Perhaps diet soda is hindering your goal. You tried everything else. Now eliminate the diet soda and replace it with a protein shake. The results should show within 3 weeks.

Many people will stop here due to “I tried.” But no one makes history from the effort put in. You must succeed.

7. Never play the victim or speak about yourself

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Dale Carnegie

If you give up, or won’t even start your goal- you’ll live to regret it. Everyone has a billion reasons on why they “can’t” do something. All you need is one reason why you can: because you should.

Those who complain why they couldn’t or why they currently can’t- are always a drag to have around. They seem to be attracting bad luck to them- and perhaps secretly enjoy it. Stay away from these individuals, their misery is infectiousness. Avoid becoming this type yourself by freeing your insecure thoughts through service.

Speaking about yourself (especially when no one asked) is a sign of a troublesome person. No- your childhood is not inspiring. Goals met in the face of struggle is inspiring. Most people aren’t interested in your past troubles. But what is interesting is when it is commonly known you had a struggle and overcame it against the odds. Let others speak of it, you work towards bettering yourself from yesterday.

Many people had a difficult past themselves. We have so much in common! The world is filled with sorrow, misery, and pain. We as humans are uncomfortable to be reminded about this. So spare us the dysfunctional upbringing. Instead, speak of life. Speak of hope- through your discipline work.

8. Want to help distant others? Start by helping yourself first and those closest to you

When people begin their journey to achieve their goal, it might’ve started out to be for themsleves. Now the results are kicking in. You might say to yourself: “Hey. I want my work to branch out. I want to reach as many people, influence and help people with their struggle I once had!”

Slow down pal.

A noble idea but a silly one.

How can you save the entire world? That task is too large and reserved for God Himself. But you can still help– those who are interested in your newfound wisdom will come, which will penetrate throughout society.

Whatever you have learned through your journey, say cooking in hopes to open your own food truck. You should feed your family first- free of charge. Let them experience your delicious recipes. Let them offer a review. Teach anyone in your home if they show interest. The food will be soon tested by their co-workers. Gym goers. Church people. Payment is proof your food and service is good.

A woman may have good intentions by marching for women rights- but how is her relationship at home with her mother? With her daughter? Part of staying focus and discipline is to remember your overall goal. There is still much to learn in life. Many get arrogant and this derails their trip to success.

A wise man knows that he doesn’t know. You can always learn and grow more.

You may not be the savior of the world, but to one person, you are their world.

Even if that one person is you.

Take care of yourself.

4 reasons why I’m a conservative

For man, the universe is already defaulted to pull back. Destruction is an easy and natural thing. Creation requires energy, intelligence, and even bravery. However, if one looks further, the universe actually operates beautifully in order.

Where I come from, you weren’t supposed to be a conservative. Everyone around me supported the welfare state- even those in the workforce. It didn’t matter if one was in corporate, a college graduate to a high school drop out, religious or secular- they all agreed on one thing: how to vote. By using your heart (although many were heartless) and vote for the Democrat Party.

As a child, the elderly would call me: disrespectful. Outspoken. Rebellious. But to this day, I never disrespect the elderly. So why was I called these things? Simply because I think.


Once when I was young, I went with my mother to go vote. I asked, “Which one are we? Democrat or Republican?”

She answered, “We are Democrats.”

“Okay. Why?” I asked.

“Because we aren’t rich.”

Discontent with that answer, I replied: “Well, then. I want to be rich, so I’ll be a Republican.”

Immediately she stopped walking and we looked at each other. The look on her face resembled of a CNN anchor. This must be the ‘disrespectful speech’ everone says I give.

Many of these examples I have. In my youth, I tended to crash with most people due to the difference in worldviews. I believe man is born evil but can strive to become great- if he chooses. (Not a common view.) Many believe he is born good with society corrupting him and could never become the noble savage again. (Sad!)

As a young child, I always knew what I wanted in life. I always had a sense of what is good and what is evil. Most things taught to me (at home, school, and church) always seem to contradict. Is life this confusing? Furthermore, I noticed those who claim to be intellectuals were saying the same exact thing as an illiterate street bum. The self-proclaimed intellects differ with wording it more eloquently and offering a reason for their behavior.

Once understood that I actually grew up under these socialist policies and people- I needed to hear the other side.

The obstacle one takes when wanting just to hear the other side is a big step. But what required next is bravery: to leave the socialist state, its false promises and subjects for something which offered no security, uncertainty, unpredictable but full freedom.


There were two types of women from where I come from: the job-driven woman and the welfare woman. Both in common they had were miserable lives. There has to be a third option.

Yes! The woman I read about in books and witness from afar. The one the Bible speaks about. The woman who becomes a wife and stays home with her children. She has a husband, home, privacy and labor seemed to be 1000% less. More beautiful, free and safe. It’s even romantic: just her and her husband.

All this I gathered on my own. It still amazes me that a young girl from Spanish Harlem can actually break the chains of statistics, overcome the sweet whispers of a false ‘independent woman’ status and the seduction of marriage to the state- without any support other than my faith in God, my husband, and my mind.

This is what motivated me personally. I wanted to be a wife and mother. I also wanted the ability to earn as much or little as I please. After I figured that out, everything else made sense- without the contradictions. I had to start a new life. I had to leave the socialism I was born into.

*Understand the term conservative. I do not wish to conserve the state but to conserve the idea of what made the American great and the Bill of Rights.


Here are the 4 reasons why I’m a conservative:

1. Profit is a good thing

When I heard cheers from my environment, celebrating being “broke” and “poor” I knew it didn’t sound right. Are you poor in nutrition? Low in protein? Then you might be poor. But it is the animal who is forever poor. Humans, particularity Americans, can change their situation. Never say you’re poor.

People should work- especially men. Being rewarded with cash for your services and/or goods is proof that someone needs you. It’s proof that you are not just helping yourself, but you’re helping others. You are seen. You are heard.

Work also provides communication skills, growth, patience, practice, time management, self-control, financial freedom and self-respect among many other things.

The alternative to earning money is a gun: theft and death. I’m strongly against the utopian lie of living a life in the paradise of no work. It sounds like hell. Even within the Garden of Eden did God put Adam to work! Man must have meaning in his life. He can find that through his work. The higher the quality and his performance, the higher his bank account.

This should be celebrated by allowing him the fruits of his labor. You simply cannot take what belongs to the man who has earned, transfer his wealth to the man who has not earned while expecting the same results of the honest earner. How could you subsidize irresponsibility by punishing the responsible? This is not only killing work ethics on both parts and society, but it is insulting to a person’s self-worth.

Allow and encourage greatness.

Which brings me to my next point.

2. Freedom of Speech

Freedom of expression. Religious freedoms. Freedom of thought. Freedom to own property- that includes weapons.

How can we grow as productive human beings when our minds aren’t allowed to think? Is it no wonder why the West won World War 2?

It wasn’t because Americans are brilliant and Germans are slow to pick up in science to create the A-bomb. It is because our economy is free and allows innovation to take place- without approval from a dictatorship. (Although FDR had many dictatorship traits and policies- still less than the enemy.) The speed to build up with the best quality only happened because America has the freedom to do so.

Hitler at one point didn’t even want to discuss the possibility of A-bomb because “it was a Jewish weapon.” This primitive socialist racism actually hurt him in the war. While in a free market system- there is no time for such rubbish. If you can produce, America needs you.

In order for this idea called ‘free market’ to be fully exercised to its potential, freedom of speech must be encouraged. Before an exchange of goods can happen, an exchange of ideas must occur.

In a socialist society, these ideas can interrupt those in power. It can even be twisted into ‘treason.’ Therefore, any progress in medicine, technology and business is slow to none.

3. Pro-family

Would the world be better off with more single people or married people? Orphans or children with married parents? “Finding yourself” for many decades or committing yourself to one person and building?

Family is something that puts requirements, restrains you from acting improperly and making terrible, hurtful decisions. All without government intervention.

The family prepares you for business if you think about it: your parents are the boss with authority, love, and respect. Your siblings are co-workers. Your grandparents sit on the Board of Directors or better yet, the Worker’s Union due to always siding with you. (But secerctly sides with your parents.) Cousins are customers when they come over. The family unit really resembles a business.

Children without a family, grow into broken adults. This is why the state needs to rid of the family in order to rescue the broken masses.

If people come from strong homes, with mother and father married- this can threaten the state’s power. The control of centralized power within the state rests on problems. If the citizens are making terrible choices (all stemming from their childhood) then the state needs to gain control. Since there is no such thing as an individual in a socialist state, (only a community), the community will all suffer the iron fist and submit to daddy government to reestablish order.

Remember: although the goal is a pretend utopia, there still must be an order of conduct to obtain it. The state is more than willing to step in. If the citizens give up their rights peacefully, even better. To help expedite this “compassion” children belong to the state.

Truth is be told: it takes parents, not a village, to raise a child.

4. I don’t like being told what to do

Similar to freedom of thought, I don’t like being told what to do or what to think. Socialism requires you to sacrifice everything for “the greater good.” Your wealth, heart, mind, and soul.

There is no greater good! Well, if you believe man is born good and just got evil along the way, then yes. You might want to help him achieve his original state. This is why socialism constantly needs to “renew” and “refresh.” It needs a revolution every 50-70 years. It needs obedience to create this “New Soviet Man.”

While I respect my God, parents, spouse, army and country- I will not be told to bow. There are many ways throughout history to bow down against your freewill. Some is through actual bowing. Others are in form of taxation and supporting ideas you oppose.

This goes against the Bill of Rights. The American.


Living as a puppet is no life. Living within unnecessary limits for the sake of “security” is not life. Life is brief. Life should be of worth and meaningful. Life is already hard, but much harder when you’re denied the right to actually live.

There are many reasons why I’m a conservative: religion, patriotism, responsibility, profit, family, and freedom. Overall, I need to work. My work is at home.

Understand the best rewards in life are the ones that are met with the most struggle to obtain it. Accomplishment is best only when greeted with a challenge.

Please, don’t hand anything to me. Don’t take away my ability to think and earn. I’m a conservative and want to experience life.

Be selfish for you can be generous

No man will work for your interest unless they are his

David Seabury

The quote above tells how the entire world works. However, America has executed this truth in a unique way. Which its result caused an abundance of wealth, leadership and security.


Being selfish has always been seen as a negative thing.

In the East, it’s every man for his own. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours… maybe.

Unless you are someone who appears to have wealth, a tourist (or if you’re dealing with a seriously religious person)- the world is not a fan of generosity. They must think of themselves and then close relatives in order to survive.

The West, particularly America, on the other hand, has a different motto which separates itself from the rest of the world.

Whether in a large scale such as America getting involved in foreign wars: a selfish motive unless it’s a direct attack or to prevent one, for the citizens of the United States.

How about on a smaller scale such as the individual: one investing on his own needs before doing favors for others- also may seem selfish.

The way America has handled foreign policy to a personal citizen’s choice, has overall been a step to the right direction.


America conducts itself differently

To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means to preserving peace

George Washington Jan. 8th 1790 First annual message to congress

The 5 Star general military expert and America’s first president was aware that if potential enemies know that America is ready for war, with weapons and training, then enemies will not even flirt with the idea to commit aggression against the United States.

This thinking from our nation’s beloved first president still holds truth today. Washington is not only talking about a wellformed army (which many countries already have) but its citizens also to be armed and disciplined.

Another popular idea of many countries is foreign involvement. Mostly for real estate, power and control reasons. America is different from this policy as well. Washington tells America to avoid being dragged into overseas conflict:

It is our true policy to steer clear of permanent alliance with any portion of the foreign world…. are essentially foreign to our concerns…. America’s detached and distant situation… [should be an easier avoidant into warfare.]

George Washington

Washington made it clear if a nation which “indulges towards another a habitual hatred or a habitual fondness is in some degree a slave’– it gets distracted and suspends its only duty of pursuing its own true interest.

Two easy ways the American can avoid meddling into foreign affairs: our values are different. Our geographical location, separated from the world by two large oceans also represents something deeper. It brings us back to our first point of having different ideas of a nation.

Although the wisdom of Washington cannot be stressed more, Americans have recently abandoned their leader’s advice and joined the activities of the world. After WW2, the NATO agreement offered very little for the American but gave much American money and man power for Europe.

America is able to do good while being the first to respond to tragedies; both domestically and internationally because America focused on itself for many years. America also set the bar high for human achievement and became a world influence by setting an upright example in practice that the world wishes to mimic.


Should the individual be selfish to eventually become generous?

Well, how else can one offer something if he doesn’t have the means to offer?

Just because someone is willing to do something doesn’t mean much if he isn’t ready to provide it.

Similar to Washington’s advice to prepare for warfare- even if you’re not going to war, one must be ready to back up the talk to avoid the fight. Now, how can he prepare himself if he has no weapons? No training? No right to bare arms?

At an early stage of the nation or individual, these values must be taught. It is also better to learn skills and have training young in order to make life much more easier for the long run.

If your noble goal is to serve your community (and profit comes second or none)- God bless you for your rare motive! This too was the pilgrims’ desire: to create God’s kingdom on earth. Gold came second or not even important. However, the pilgrims still had to offer something uniquely different from the world. Their knowledge of scriptures and carrying it out daily, took a massive commitment to lifetime training and dedication.

If the goal was to, for example, teach reading for people can read the Bible, (many people all over the world were illiterate)- then first the teacher needed to know how to read for himself. At one point in his life, this teacher spent hours learning how to read, and then to understand the Bible. Only after this is he able to teach others.

People will listen to those who understand and practices his work- not to someone who speaks like a blabbering pagan.

Suppose your main goal is profit. Honestly, profit is the best goal. While I agree with the pilgrims’ religious teachings, I would certainly disagree with the Marxist teachings. Had a Marxist came off the Mayflower, free or pay- I am not interested in a Marxist utopian idea. You might not be interested in the Bible. But money is the proof of hard work and free exchange for all ideas. This is where a Marxist and religious person can shake hands in a transaction.

In order to do so, one party must have previously invested his time to create and develop his service or product. It might have seemed selfish when he started his mission, but the community eventually benefited through his sacrifice of immediate pleasure for a long term goal of uncertain wealth.

On the flip side, the consumer must have earned his wealth elsewhere in order to purchase the innovator’s product. The consumer himself is an investor: both in the product and how he obtains his wealth to even make this transaction.

Another motivation is love.

Have you seen anyone more selfish than a 15-year-old boy? Everything is certainly about him. But introduce a beautiful girl, now the young boy has the interest to suddenly become a highly skilled electrician to purchase this girl the best flowers he can.

No matter for the greater good, profit or love- one must develop himself in order to be generous. This requires disciple, structure, sacrifice, practice, training and even isolation in order to achieve greatness.


The time when the act of selfishness must be suspended

Is there a time or situation when being selfish must be avoided?

Yes.

In relationships: Marriage. As individuals with parents. As parents with children. There is no room for your selfish ways at this moment.

One thing I’ve notice reading Ayn Rand books is that there are no children in them. Also translating to, no future.

There must be a future. A purpose in order to have a meaningful life.

When you’re in a relationship, its a two way street. You might not want to visit grandma and watch watch her play crossword puzzles with an old neighbor named Sally. But as her grandchild, you know you’re obligated to do so every Sunday afternoon.

Although it’s only one day of the week she sees you, you’re the reason why she gets out of bed each day. She looks forward to your Sunday visits starting when you leave Sunday evening. Even if they are spent in silence, your presence alone shows you care.

After you leave your weekly visit, you have a sense of worth. You not only committed to family but you begin to think: I won’t be alone either when I’m her age.

This works the opposite: be generous (with your time, something that requires zero training). You’ll experience by doing so, you’re actually gaining self-control. Honoring your word. Patience. Human interaction. So much more virtues that you can take with you into the workforce and in romace.

You’ll eventually have the same treatment in return. Even if there is nothing to gain other than your smile. Remember, like money, people are attracted to good energy. Something you have unknowligly developed through your Sunday visits with grandma.

The same works with gift giving. This has been practiced in every culture for thousands of years.

You’re giving not because the Bible says so, your parents or even society told you too. You’re giving because you want too. Again, invest in yourself for you can experience this joy at anytime.

What is the hidden exchange with gift giving?

First, the person you’re giving too must accept your gift. Their smile, joy, and suspense are worth the giving. This brings a sensation to you of accomplishment.

You were not only thanked, but for a moment you were seen. Heard. Even within love, there is a trade-off.

The trade off is not material, but more of a spiritual one.

This is one, which is love, is the best deal made.

Enjoy marriage: How to get your husband to do anything

Yes, I have discovered the answer to one of life’s greatest secret treasures: how to get your husband to do what you want.

Please.

Hold the applause until the end.

Reading up on Men’s magazines, their books and eavesdropping in on their podcast- I learned a bit more about our furry partners called men. Apparently, the fur is designed to protect men from facing nature’s danger… and it’s also used as a defensive mechanism against other creatures- including women!

But it wasn’t until many years of marriage and having a son did I finally get to tap in (from a far distance because I still lack understanding of the male species) on the man’s brain.

Is there a way to get across to our husbands, peacefully while achieving a win/win outcome?

Oh, you better believe it!

Ladies.
No more nagging.
No more complaining.
No more explaining.
No more silent treatment.

No more “constructive criticism.” – (They really dislike this one. More on this later.)
Note to men: Please let me know if I’m correct, almost or not even close.

Time to sit back and enjoy marriage like it’s designed for.


It’s clear we love our husbands. However, society insists people are “born this way.” As some fool once said, “If you love someone, you wouldn’t change them.”

Give me a break.

Life is about change and growth. We aren’t animals in a vicious cycle, are we? No. We have a purpose. A constant yearning to strive. A challenge. A goal with structure and deadlines. Accomplishment in the face of struggle makes us alive.

Therefore, of course, we want our husband to grow. We want him with more money. More time with us and the children. More help around the house. More in touch with God. (And with more muscle…) When we bring this up, it comes off to him as “complaints and nagging” to his ears.

Bottom line he isn’t listening via talk or email. You’re not getting through to him.

Next, you seriously sit down and have a conversation with him. You politely explain to him that you love him. This is only constructive criticism which is intended to help both of us- our marriage, you rationalize.

Yikes. That did it.

Translation to a man’s brain: I’m not man enough?! Nothing is ever good for you. You’re comparing me to other men. I lack ambition? I work my butt off for this family! 

Sounds familiar?

Well. May I suggest another route? Honestly.

What else do you have to lose?

These 4 methods have been proven in my personal life. I’ve also seen it done within marriages of over 15+ years. Each method goes accordingly to different circumstances. Be wise about your approach. Be honest as well. The arguments will lessen. The stress is less. Both parties will get what they want- and yes. The love and romance will skyrocket.


Absence makes the heart fonder

Time apart does wonders. Ask any corporate and/or military wife. Being apart from one another makes us want each other more. Including doing acts for the other spouse. Promises you now make while apart, to which you do intend to keep because that is how much you miss each other! You’ll be amazed at the level of flirtation, text messages and romance received through distance. Once united: it will feel so good!

Always see each other? Well, buzz off somewhere for a few hours! Tell him to visit his parents. Or encourage him to get a testosterone boost by hanging out with his buddies. (Men need male bonding more than women need “girl time.” More on that within a different post.) Go out shopping without him but take his credit card. (You see, he is still there.. via MasterCard.) Just take some time apart where you can actually recharge and miss each other.

Eye contact

Sometimes words don’t need to be spoken. A look of seduction. Or a look in need will get the job done.

Don’t be confused with the silent treatment, which can go on for days and turn ugly. This eye contact is a one time use, and use it for a brief interaction.

Suppose he is being difficult. Just stop the conversation by looking at him. Smile halfway. Then let him proceed. The moment of silence (with a Mona Lisa smile) will make him rethink his position. This one works extremely well for me, personally and requires little from my end.

How are you dressed?

This is my favorite because I’m a master at this.

Men are visual creatures. Although men don’t care if you are wearing a $2,000 dress or a $20 dress- they want you to look good. (This grooming helps our mood if we do. This is also a win/win.) Yes, your husband “loves you for who you are.” Also, I’m aware you “love your husband through hard times.” But why place yourself there when it’s unnecessary?

Men: don’t assume your wife will be tolerant for long if you’re unemployed for too long. Women: don’t expect your husband to still lust after you when you haven’t waxed your eyebrows in 2 years and he only sees you in a grandmother’s nightgown.

Men want their women so attractive, they will even provide the funding. Give it a try.

Next time he comes home, make sure you’re wearing a dress with heels and have your hair done. Bonus if you have food ready for him.

His mood will be lifted. Make this a lifestyle because doing it once- it gets pretty suspicious and may come across artificial. Men love a natural feminine woman. They strongly dislike a woman they have to compete with. Be his companion. His helper. He is already fighting against the world. He already loves you. (A man doesn’t marry for security, wealth or status purposes. They do so for love.) This type of effort from your part will urge him to move mountains for you.

You wouldn’t believe what I got my husband to do just by dressing up in a red dress, red lipstick, heels and having his dinner ready for him before he came home.

The man suddenly became a highly skilled carpenter. (Among other things!) Besides. I do enjoy how my legs look in this outfit…

Now. For The Secret Weapon: OTHER MEN!

Here it is. Try using “logic” to get your husband to make a move. Try crying. Try sex even. It won’t work!

Do you know men turn off a woman’s speech just after the first 6 minutes? That’s why you’re repeating yourself and reassuring he is listening. (He is not.) But men can honestly hear another man speak (with the same message!) for hours! Outrageous, I’ll say.

If you want your husband, for example, to exercise more- he has to hear the message from his friends. There is no other choice. This is the secret weapon right here: It has to come from other men he respects.

The idea also has to come from him when you both sit down and talk about it. Men have a strong desire to be needed. Their brains. Their muscle. Their love must be needed. They want to be able to provide and protect. They need to deliver results. They have a deep longing to be needed.., especially by a woman! ONE woman.

While women, (who don’t want that burden of being needed) desire to be wanted. You do want your husband to want you? To cater to you? To know what you want? Well then. Allow him to figure things out. To take charge. Let him know you need him.

If your husband discusses growth with another man, he will come home to you excited like a young boy who just received a Ninja Turtle toy: “Honey, guess what? A great idea!” (An idea that you secretly wanted him to jump on for a while.)

Think back to any bright ideas you may have had. Sure, he might have agreed to do them. Only to deliver with a sloppy job with a half heart in it- hoping it will fail. He is eager to say to you: You see. I told you so!

But if it came from him, he cannot retreat to this conduct. He must follow through. It is best sealed when it came from speaking or even watching other men.

After the task is complete, he will be a new man. A better one. A stronger one. He will also know he couldn’t have accomplished it without you.

Therefore, both parties will get what their hearts truly desires. However, in order to do this- one must use their head.

Now go ahead and have your husband build that bookcase you’ve been wanting him to do.

Don’t forget to put on lipstick!

I’ll saddle my own donkey: the reason why RINO’s don’t support President Trump


The 5 type of Americans towards President Trump:


Useful idiots: I always knew people, in general, are followers. Have a strong desire to be accepted and liked. Most people read the headlines and not the article itself. They heard of past events but don’t know history itself. Listen to the D.J. on the radio rather than hearing directly from the person the D.J. is falsely speaking about. In life, people want to generally inhert rewards without the struggle. Body without diet. Wedding but neglect the marriage contract. In short, most people are lazy, uninformed and want to be liked. These types are the easiest to trick. If the trend is patriotism, they will follow. If the trend is fascism, they will march.

Self-proclaimed intellectuals: Behind the scenes stirring the pot, you have the group who viciously hates President Trump’s ideas, what he represents and the type of people he represents. It could’ve been any outspoken freedom lover, these snobbish cowards will always hate and provide the funding for the hate.

The Base: These Americans are the core of highbrow hate. The Base prevents their utopia. President Trump’s loyal supporters who (like him) dislike being told what to do. These people are the least likely to be persuaded to surrender their values for instant pleasure, a false sense of security or even to be liked for the moment. As we learned earlier, being “liked” is only for a season.

Hate and love relationship: Hello Ben Shapiro. Glenn Beck. And others who made an incorrect assessment of the Billionaire due to his language rather than what he actually accomplished in life. These Americans rather someone with a much cleaner lifestyle. Both professionally and in private. While that is an honorable standard, it’s also disconnected with our times. After having Obama in the W.H.- we as Americans desired someone who is not only politically incorrect but not even polite and very patriotic above all. Although they misread their prophecy of Trump, these individuals came around and eventually supported the President. (Throw Ann Coulter in there as well. Hopefully, after Ann gets a man, she’ll become rational again.)

RINO’s on Donkeys: But how about the informed, considered “patriots” who never have and never will, support Trump? This group is very interesting. They are my main focus within this post.


The Bush family spent their entire lives fighting against liberal policies. This family loves America. Some might argue they made poor choices, benefited personally at the cost of the American and were involved in really corrupt dealings that were dangerous to our mere existence as a Republic.

For the sake of time, let’s just play devil’s advocate and call them “patriots.” This is said with a lower case “p” – since it was the Patriots, not social justice warriors, who put them into office.

Before Barbara Bush passed away, she written a letter to each member in her family asking them not to vote for Donald Trump. This would be the first time the Bush family didn’t support a Republican nominee. Why?

Why would you tell your children and grandchildren not to support the Republican nominee? Instead, for them to suspend their values and vote for Crooked H? Why will you make that dangerous gamble that will not just hurt your country, but your family directly?

Were she upset over Trump bullying her baby son? As a mother who absolutely loves her baby boy, I totally get it. My judgment will be clouded with Mama Bear Rage and I wouldn’t like him either. However, after the steamed cooled down (and perhaps I personally held a grudge Forever!) wouldn’t ANYONE in my direct reach, reason with the idea: Trump is the best option?

Well. Clearly there is more reason behind a mother’s protection over her son. If the entire Bush family agreed to this, there is more behind it.

One thing I easily observe is the fact that when outsider Trump gets elected, these people will not be needed. All the RINOs (Republican In Name Only) in America will become irrelevant. Their advice won’t be taken. President Trump would (and has) made these people feel useless. The worst feeling ever.

The bullying. The feeling of not being needed. Is that all it took for you to surrender your core belief system?

The Bible teaches us about this odd behavior.

We turn to Abraham.


“And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.”

Genesis 22:2 KJV

Abraham had another son already, Ishmael. Why did the Lord say and empathized- thine only son Isaac? It’s because Abraham is married to Isaac’s mother.

In Hebrew, the term only son means yachid. If translated directly, it means “darling” when referring to life itself, so valuable. Even meaning “desolate”- emphasizing the fact that people can feel utterly alone at times.

“And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son…”

Genesis 22:3 KJV

Now, remember. Abraham is a wealthy man. Also very old. Why did he saddle his own donkey? Why did he labor? He had young men available to do it. Yet he chose to do it himself…..

Now we quickly turn to a wicked man named Balaam, who is also wealthy but has different desires: killing the children of Israel.

“And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab.”


Numbers 22:21 KJV

Both men are wealthy, yet they both did their own labor. Each had different attitudes towards this. Abraham, did his duty but dreaded it. Balaam did his duty, with great pleasure.

What the scriptures show is: love and hate distort a man’s thinking. Strong emotion overrides rational thinking. Abraham’s love for the Lord made him obey his (difficult) order. Balaam’s hatred urged him to wake up early and get to work himself.


Having logic and reason, it makes sense to support the current president- Donald Trump. It’s in your interest! But with personal hatred? It messes with your thinking. RINOs are not the only ones who are guilty of this.

No good can come from making an important decision when emotions are high.

Activity: try to think about a time where you made an important life-changing decision based on emotions. Intentions. Your heart. Write about it. How did it turn out in the long run? What can you do to repair and avoid repeating?

Green-eyed monster? Here are 4 truths on why you shouldn’t be!

Look at them.

They look so gorgeous. In love. And wealthy. As for you, you’re… well, you’re you. How could you not be slightly envious? Or more difficult, how can you be happy for someone else success when you secretly aren’t because it’s a reminder that you yourself is a failure?

You’re only a failure because you think and speak it. When a person is envious it just means they settled in life. They compromised. They didn’t keep on working (for whatever excuse one might have). In the end, they gave up and regret it.

No need to spend your life in this manner.

I’ve read many books of people restarting their life and successfully moving on to accomplishment. One story I will never forget is about a 52-year-old military history writer. He loved warfare: the strategies, uniforms, discipline, rules of engagement, and weapons. Such a brilliant and passionate man, but he had one problem:

No one actually listened to him because he never served in the military. On top of that, he found himself growing intensely envious of the glory the war leaders received from the troops. The power. The action. The respect. The love from his army. ARGH!

This writer did something incredible to put in an end to this negative emotion, at the age of 55 years old he enlisted into the army. He rose through the ranks rapidly. He became a celebrated hero in his country. Futhermore, he became ruler of his country. Action, not paper- with this he finally gains his life dream and respect which he earned.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”

― Henry Ford

There is always a hunger for great talent and skills in the marketplace. Especially in a forgiving home as America or within a religion like Christianity. While there are truths that both the Bible and our personal experience can confirm, some life decisions we made a while ago have very long consequences. Some may range for a few weeks. Others can be a punishment that can last years or even cost us our own life. (This is why one must be both book and street smart.)

Nevertheless, we will work with what is unfairly dealt to us in life or what foolish decisions we brought to ourselves. We are here to live. To fulfill, even what might seem like a minor goal such as obtaining your driver’s license. It’s your life. The desire is still lurking because the envy, the longing is there. It’s not over unless you say it is.


Here are 4 truths on why there is no need to envy:

4. True fulfillment and joy in life doesn’t need an explanation

I see this mistake in so many people I speak with. You’ve probably heard (or have said) similar things such as:

“I’m glad I didn’t enlist in the army! Heck, I’m not fighting a bankers war! I’m no sucker! I’m completely happy they didn’t get me!” But if you further the conservation with this type, as I do, they will quickly expose their regret. I say, “But you’re a patriot bro! My goodness, the honor. The respect. The skills they teach. Travel and guns! Plus you get paid? That sounds like a sweet deal, not a scam.”

The look of guilt flushes their face, then the sad confession kicks in: “But I missed my opportunity…”

Another infamous one I hear is from childless people. “Kids? Ha! I’m extremely happy without brats! They’re expensive. They are an inconvenience! They’re annoying. I’m completely living it up.”

Then, like the dodger, I get this people as well.

“I can’t believe that. You would’ve made an excellent father! Oh man, not to mention how gorgeous your children would’ve been. Sad you’re keeping your seed to yourself, the world is missing out! Plus, they come in handy for retirement buddy! Well, I know you’re a great uncle, so I cannot accept your discontent in children. Come over for Thanksgiving to my house.”

The look on their face is priceless. Truth for this is, mostly this person hasn’t “found” a committed person to marry and trust. Or they are completely focused with their career (this is for women), missing out an opportunity to become a parent.

If an indvidual is truly content with their choices in life, there is no need to randomly explain yourself. Certainly no need to put down the other people who decided to enlist in the army or have a family.

From what I hear, it gets cold when you’re older. You need your memories (like the army stories or whatever you passed up) and grandchildren to warm you.

Reconfirming to others that you didn’t need these investments, doesn’t confirm it and you’re only speaking to yourself. In fact, this unneeded explanation has the opposite effect: it shows you want it and regretting you didn’t commit to it.

People like this aren’t as thrilled with their life as they say. No need to envy the explainer AKA the complainer.

3. Fake news is also attention seeking news: grass isn’t always greener on the other side

Long before social media envy of strangers, there was a more face to face envy. Hence the saying “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.” (Showing human nature hasn’t changed.) It is still common to be envious over a family member you see often, a neighbor or a co-worker. THIS short article shows that money doesn’t buy happiness. It must come from within.

When people broadcast their happy life, understand two things first:

  • They are only showing the happiest moments in their life. Even if it seems to be everyday ‘happiness’, people are public performers. Read their shallow captions for further detail.
  • True happiness doesn’t have time to document it live. Therefore, they aren’t enjoying the moment. Do photographers have a blast at a wedding? They are too busy working. Selfie takers are also working and ignoring what could be a fun time. Their mind is on a perfect pic, edit, upload and sit back to see the likes.

Don’t get me wrong. I will snap a photo of the Grand Canyon while I’m on a visit. Will be hesitant to share my glory on social media. But for sure, I won’t make a documentary on my trip to the Grand Canyon unless I’m working for the History Channel. I want to enjoy the time, let the memory sit while respecting my company.

If you notice there is someone who is constantly seeking online attention with their ‘amazing’ life- then simply unfollow. What a great relief it brings. If this person doesn’t offer anything but an online diary that you cannot gain from, they serve no purpose.

Many people fool themselves into saying, “I’m inspiring the world! Come join my pointless journey of finding myself (which I never do) and be inspired!”

Inspiration comes from the struggling silent. No need to envy this empty goof.

[Bringing back my celebrity couple who appear to have it all: looks, money, and love. Traveling to Switzerland while I’m stuck at work, raising kids and letting the best years of my life fly by. Or am I? Don’t read too much into it. What I have noticed with these flashy people is something radical occurs in most of their lives: when they reach to their 40s, their looks are non-human. They are divorced. Broke. And having interviews about how unhappy they were in that marriage- conflicting their wonderful fun pictures of the past.

By the time I’m in my 40s, all my children are adults. In fact, one will graduate college and I will still be in my 30s! So prepare the Eastern European skies. When my time of child raising is over, I’ll be sexy in Switzerland drinking a cup of hot chocolate with my family!]

2. You can still achieve in life at anything you set your mind to

What a controversy statement to make nowadays!

It’s because it’s true. Lies seem to be accepted as “your truth” rather than the one and only truth.

While you don’t need to follow the clueless people who go through life with drama and no purpose- you can gain inspiration from the humble earner results. How can you find these types?

If you desire to have a family, go read about those who have long marriages and successful children. What’s their “secret?” Don’t follow a “family” like the Kardashians.

If you decide more wealth, follow the quiet self-made earner. Not only will you learn more about money, but you’ll learn about character. They are eager to teach those who want to learn and practice their ways.

Focus on yourself and get to work. After you found your humble mentor for encouragement and reminders: it can be done. They did it, so can you. They are not super-human. It is available to all. I don’t care about the ‘white privilege’ lie. Many whites struggle, suffer and die a failure. Just like anyone else who made bad choices. (Telling young white straight boys, in particular, is a psychological trick to actually create a sense of supreme from doing nothing which hinders their growth while telling other groups ‘you don’t have a chance.’ Bad all around.) The only advantage is being born rich and having married parents.

So, if you don’t have this real type of advantage, get busy. Lay out a plan and with deadlines. Get organized and find ways to achieve each point. It may seem far away- but that is why it’s called an investment. Short-time easy goals (like buying an expensive burger) excitement quickly comes to a halt when you realize you need bus fare. Don’t focus at how far the last chapter is yet. You already know there is 35, just start with the first. (They say it takes 7-10 years to master a skill. Get going!)

Pretty soon with your sacrifice, you will realize how fast time has gone by. Your goal will be achieved with your back against the wall fighting each step. It is earned slowly and less likely to die off quickly. Similar to earning your own money rather than being given money for no reason.

The great feeling of a smart sacrifice pays off at the end.

Life is about sacrifice.

Choose wisely.

Side note: A few years back, I created a vision poster board which I encourage you to do. On it I had cut and paste images from magazines onto this board. Images of things I wanted. Some were simple. Others were more difficult to obtain. And one needed a miracle. Here what was on the board:

A slow cooker. A ninja blender. A fancy washer and dryer- yes the ones that cost thousands of US dollars. A bodybuilder’s body. Travel around America on a road trip. A BMW. A house on the mountains like you see in a car commercial. A happy family with a husband and four children. Two girls and two boys.

The miracle (somewhat out of my control) is the family one. Would you believe I’m on track for that one? The Lord blesses me! At the time I was legally married with two daughters. My son came and I would like another son someday. The house in snowy North Dakota will be achieved if I want. All others have been fulfilled. I cried when I located this poster board recently.

  1. Your goals and aspirations are between you and God- through Him all things are possible 

As difficult as it may be, shut off the noise. Shut off the distractions. If it doesn’t aim towards your goal should you allow any of your energy to have it? Get rid of self-doubt. The negative scene, people or potatoe chips. Re-set your mindset.

Who will stop you if the Lord is with you? When David from the Bible kept on having incredible success on the battlefield, King Saul asked: “How?”

“The Lord is with me.” He answered.

The Lord will be with you too. If you allow Him. He hasn’t abandoned you. He desires greatness from you- and expects it. There is no need to stress or be envious with what you do not have. As long as you use honest methods. Start building, remain consistent, learn, grow and focused, you will get what your heart desires.

Advice: keep it to yourself. You’re only an inspiration after you achieve. Some might suggest to let the world know of your goals because you’re most likely to follow through. Well, how has that worked out for the online braggers? Instead, share with a few loved ones who are close to you. They will be watching. Even they are skeptical and still need to see results so you will have to follow through with that personal audience watching.

I depart with these two verses:

Psalm 37:4 4Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 20:4 4May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.

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