Yes, I have discovered the answer to one of life’s greatest secret treasures: how to get your husband to do what you want.
Hold the applause until the end.
Reading up on Men’s magazines, their books and eavesdropping in on their podcast- I learned a bit more about our furry partners called men. Apparently, the fur is designed to protect men from facing nature’s danger… and it’s also used as a defensive mechanism against other creatures- including women!
But it wasn’t until many years of marriage and having a son did I finally get to tap in (from a far distance because I still lack understanding of the male species) on the man’s brain.
Is there a way to get across to our husbands, peacefully while achieving a win/win outcome?
Oh, you better believe it!
No more nagging.
No more complaining.
No more explaining.
No more silent treatment.
No more “constructive criticism.” – (They really dislike this one. More on this later.)
Note to men: Please let me know if I’m correct, almost or not even close.
Time to sit back and enjoy marriage like it’s designed for.
It’s clear we love our husbands. However, society insists people are “born this way.” As some fool once said, “If you love someone, you wouldn’t change them.”
Give me a break.
Life is about change and growth. We aren’t animals in a vicious cycle, are we? No. We have a purpose. A constant yearning to strive. A challenge. A goal with structure and deadlines. Accomplishment in the face of struggle makes us alive.
Therefore, of course, we want our husband to grow. We want him with more money. More time with us and the children. More help around the house. More in touch with God. (And with more muscle…) When we bring this up, it comes off to him as “complaints and nagging” to his ears.
Bottom line he isn’t listening via talk or email. You’re not getting through to him.
Next, you seriously sit down and have a conversation with him. You politely explain to him that you love him. This is only constructive criticism which is intended to help both of us- our marriage, you rationalize.
Yikes. That did it.
Translation to a man’s brain: I’m not man enough?! Nothing is ever good for you. You’re comparing me to other men. I lack ambition? I work my butt off for this family!
Well. May I suggest another route? Honestly.
What else do you have to lose?
These 4 methods have been proven in my personal life. I’ve also seen it done within marriages of over 15+ years. Each method goes accordingly to different circumstances. Be wise about your approach. Be honest as well. The arguments will lessen. The stress is less. Both parties will get what they want- and yes. The love and romance will skyrocket.
Absence makes the heart fonder
Time apart does wonders. Ask any corporate and/or military wife. Being apart from one another makes us want each other more. Including doing acts for the other spouse. Promises you now make while apart, to which you do intend to keep because that is how much you miss each other! You’ll be amazed at the level of flirtation, text messages and romance received through distance. Once united: it will feel so good!
Always see each other? Well, buzz off somewhere for a few hours! Tell him to visit his parents. Or encourage him to get a testosterone boost by hanging out with his buddies. (Men need male bonding more than women need “girl time.” More on that within a different post.) Go out shopping without him but take his credit card. (You see, he is still there.. via MasterCard.) Just take some time apart where you can actually recharge and miss each other.
Sometimes words don’t need to be spoken. A look of seduction. Or a look in need will get the job done.
Don’t be confused with the silent treatment, which can go on for days and turn ugly. This eye contact is a one time use, and use it for a brief interaction.
Suppose he is being difficult. Just stop the conversation by looking at him. Smile halfway. Then let him proceed. The moment of silence (with a Mona Lisa smile) will make him rethink his position. This one works extremely well for me, personally and requires little from my end.
How are you dressed?
This is my favorite because I’m a master at this.
Men are visual creatures. Although men don’t care if you are wearing a $2,000 dress or a $20 dress- they want you to look good. (This grooming helps our mood if we do. This is also a win/win.) Yes, your husband “loves you for who you are.” Also, I’m aware you “love your husband through hard times.” But why place yourself there when it’s unnecessary?
Men: don’t assume your wife will be tolerant for long if you’re unemployed for too long. Women: don’t expect your husband to still lust after you when you haven’t waxed your eyebrows in 2 years and he only sees you in a grandmother’s nightgown.
Men want their women so attractive, they will even provide the funding. Give it a try.
Next time he comes home, make sure you’re wearing a dress with heels and have your hair done. Bonus if you have food ready for him.
His mood will be lifted. Make this a lifestyle because doing it once- it gets pretty suspicious and may come across artificial. Men love a natural feminine woman. They strongly dislike a woman they have to compete with. Be his companion. His helper. He is already fighting against the world. He already loves you. (A man doesn’t marry for security, wealth or status purposes. They do so for love.) This type of effort from your part will urge him to move mountains for you.
You wouldn’t believe what I got my husband to do just by dressing up in a red dress, red lipstick, heels and having his dinner ready for him before he came home.
The man suddenly became a highly skilled carpenter. (Among other things!) Besides. I do enjoy how my legs look in this outfit…
Now. For The Secret Weapon: OTHER MEN!
Here it is. Try using “logic” to get your husband to make a move. Try crying. Try sex even. It won’t work!
Do you know men turn off a woman’s speech just after the first 6 minutes? That’s why you’re repeating yourself and reassuring he is listening. (He is not.) But men can honestly hear another man speak (with the same message!) for hours! Outrageous, I’ll say.
If you want your husband, for example, to exercise more- he has to hear the message from his friends. There is no other choice. This is the secret weapon right here: It has to come from other men he respects.
The idea also has to come from him when you both sit down and talk about it. Men have a strong desire to be needed. Their brains. Their muscle. Their love must be needed. They want to be able to provide and protect. They need to deliver results. They have a deep longing to be needed.., especially by a woman! ONE woman.
While women, (who don’t want that burden of being needed) desire to be wanted. You do want your husband to want you? To cater to you? To know what you want? Well then. Allow him to figure things out. To take charge. Let him know you need him.
If your husband discusses growth with another man, he will come home to you excited like a young boy who just received a Ninja Turtle toy: “Honey, guess what? A great idea!” (An idea that you secretly wanted him to jump on for a while.)
Think back to any bright ideas you may have had. Sure, he might have agreed to do them. Only to deliver with a sloppy job with a half heart in it- hoping it will fail. He is eager to say to you: You see. I told you so!
But if it came from him, he cannot retreat to this conduct. He must follow through. It is best sealed when it came from speaking or even watching other men.
After the task is complete, he will be a new man. A better one. A stronger one. He will also know he couldn’t have accomplished it without you.
Therefore, both parties will get what their hearts truly desires. However, in order to do this- one must use their head.
Now go ahead and have your husband build that bookcase you’ve been wanting him to do.
Don’t forget to put on lipstick!