“Baby, am I your best friend?” I asked my husband. Although I already knew the answer- I needed to hear it from him. After a burst of laughter he coldly answered: “No.”
But let’s be honest. We often hear people say: “Marry someone who you could laugh with. Travel with. Have fun with. Marry your best friend.” While it sounds like a great ad for a Sandals honeymoon resort, it isn’t a recipe for marriage.
Your best friend should fully understand, have empathy, give constructive criticism and full enjoyment with you. Just about in every interaction.
If not, why then is this person in your life? If it’s not for blood relation, money or good company- what is the purpose of this person’s role in your life?
People confuse common interest with a friend relationship. (The woman should always adapt to her husband’s interest. But I will save that for another time.)
When dealing with a complex species like the opposite sex, how in the world are we going to fully have compassion? Have a full understanding? A man could never understand the difficulties of childbirth. At some point he will no longer care, and only seek to rush the pregnancy for his peace of mind.
Part of what keeps our interest to the opposite sex is how alien they are to us.
I’ve heard once: Men need many women to fulfill one need. Women need one man to fulfill many needs.
If true (sad!) we will never fully understand each other. Thankfully, for Western Civilization, it did help curb our selfish desires.
Every time I read a book written by a woman, her male character’s is an overreach. This “type” doesn’t exist! While many female authors put in great effort to get inside a man’s mind, its clearly artificial.
Sometimes, I try to get into my husband’s mind. Then I get a rude awakening: food and sex. Well, in all fairness, he did give me a warning with his “thoughtful” face expressions. How can this man help manage a very large company but at the same time, I can’t seem to get him to make a sound other then a burp? Astonishingly enough, he declares his burps as a concerto.
Life is harder for men.
Men and women go through the same world, similar backgrounds and experiences- but we have different intakes and then, executions. I’m not making light the life of a woman. Let’s face it: life is hard all around! However, what I have notice is this huge difference in human suffering among the sexes: women usually overcome obstacles better. Have you ever met a 45 year old girl? But we all have met a 45 year old “boy.”
The status of a man must be earned.
To experience a much basic concept of men and women having different needs could be easily observed by men being highly visual creatures. Why is a poster of women legs with a cold beer so intriguing to men? Only a human male can provide that information.
This wouldn’t work with women. I can see it now: a man’s hairy legs, fungus on his toes with a fruit smoothie next to it? New marketing director please.
If the homeless rates, suicides, drug use and diseases doesn’t persuade you- their heavy burdens and expectations for men should. Men are require by God (and survival itself) to be the protector of women, children and all earth. Conqueror. Even when men decide to forfeit this duty of using his strength and mind, he suffers greatly. From envy, poverty, meaningless life- society will soon hate him as a selfish, lazy man who lacks ambition and is dangerous for civilization. If every man chose this route, society would crease to exist. It will be taken over by another tribe of men or the earth will flush civilization away.
He suffers for doing good but the suffering for evil is never honorable and has worse consequences in life.
Life has different expectations for men and women. No- it is not patriarchy. Its reality. When the two sexes fight, compete or try to “switch” responsibilities- people are less productive and fulfilled. The proof is in the results of their work and true happiness.
We should share everything with a best friend, but not the bed.
Ladies, it really is this simple: I encourage my husband to go out with his “wolf pack”, get a dose of testosterone and return to make love to me. The end.
I’m not being his friend, I’m being his wife. If I were his BFF, I would tag along! While I don’t understand why the “need” to smash beer mugs on your forehead with your fellow species, wrestle and then play pool- if you return home a better man to me without violating our vows: go for it! Just like he doesn’t understand my need to dress up everywhere I go, it simply makes me a better wife. He wants a happy wife with his credit card.
My best friend should be able to relate. She should also be a woman. Who would get their nails done with their husband? No thank you. If this woman fought as much as my husband did-and growl loudly during hunger pains, I couldn’t continue this relationship. One reason I’m so forgiving to my husband is because he isn’t my best friend. Sometimes I give him the silent treatment. (A blessing for him until he wants something.)
Men couldn’t listen.
According to THIS research, men could listen to heavy conversations, deep discussions about the universe and go to business conferences for hours… only if given by another man. When in communication with a woman, they “turn off” after 6 minutes. (I can confirm: my husband never spoke on the phone to me longer than 20 minutes in our 12.5 year relationship. My son gives me 2 minutes. So I better make it quick. Starting with the most important first.)
Note: men literally lose their minds when talking to a beautiful woman. You can read more on this topic HERE
You say you use to talk for hours on the phone like teenagers? This is the confusion people get on love. Love is an emotion backed with action. Emotions come and go. (Like those long phone calls you once enjoyed.) People assume if the “companionship dies, their love dies.”
Love doesn’t die, it lives on forever.
Be thankful the God of the Bible doesn’t live by our standards. When we sin (companionship dies) His loves continues on.
Yes, it is important to communicate and develop a bond with your spouse- its a lifetime journey. However, don’t fool yourself: it isn’t always smiles and sunshine. You should want marriage with someone you can trust, displays loyalty and both parties are responsible. Out of these “boring” but important traits, you will develop a earned lifetime companionship. (Which is reserved for the elderly.) Marriage takes 100x more effort than maintaining a friendship with someone that maybe seasonal.