Why does a successful woman struggle to find (& keep) a husband?

He asked me what position I like….I told him CEO

-A quote from the Unmarried Ms.Independent Cat Lady



We all know at least one woman who has an awesome career- and from the outside, appears well put together and content.

She has excellent work ethics. She is independent and financially free. After leaving her cat at her NYC apartment, she does yoga on Saturday mornings followed by having lunch at Panera Bread. On Saturday night, she drinks wine with her fellow single ladies.  Then perhaps wraps it up with attending church on Sunday to repent for last night sins.

How is this woman still single, one may wonder?  She is slightly mediocre but at times, shockingly stunning. Nevertheless, she is a driven force at the work place. She knows her stuff!

She even has some important title that you still don’t quite understand what she does. Like: Executive Director of Development. It sounds cool, so you brag to your family that you know a woman who is a Executive. 

She claims she wants a husband. Children. A family. What gives? What man wouldn’t want her?

Truth be told, most men wouldn’t want her. But why?


There was a woman seeking counsel from my Rabbi about how she desperately wanted to get married. She is an average  looking woman, around 30 years old with a successful career as a lawyer. Surely, she shouldn’t struggle much on finding a husband.

But she is.

When she brought up she situation to the Rabbi, he immediately knew what had to be the solution.

Although average in looks, she isn’t an average lawyer. She is in fact a prosecutor. Her desires and longing for a husband meant well. But despite all the feelings she has, it isn’t the reality.

What you do, affects who you are.

The Rabbi asked her: “Are you sure you want marriage? Do you really want to become a wife and mother?”

“Yes!” She replied.

“More than being a lawyer?”

Silence. What a odd question. Then she asked, “What does that have to do with me being a wife and mother?”

The Rabbi chuckled. “Much. Now answer. More than being a lawyer?”

“What are you suggesting?” She asked.

“Well.” He began. “I want you to take a year leave of absence from the law firm in which you work at. After your request of leave, I want you to become a nursery teacher.”

The woman’s mouth drop in disbelief. Is the Rabbi mad? Yes, he has lost his mind. Does he not understand the work, sweat and time she put in to obtain this career? Certainly, he must be joking.

“I cannot leave my work. I invested my entire life—”

“Then you can have your work for the rest of your life. Or you can try to do as I am suggesting, and become a wife.” He replied, motionless.

“I—” She began.  Trying to come up with more reasons on why this is bogus. “I don’t know the first thing about children. I haven’t got any experience. I am not qualified.”

“I am aware of your concerns. But I personally know of a nursery school who would work with us for you to obtain the position of a teacher.” The Rabbi informed her.

“Are you sure I will get married?” She asked, playing with the possibility of becoming a nursery teacher.

“I am not a prophet. But I can assure you this will be the right path to take in the meantime.”

“Please tell me why would it be the right path for me.”

The Rabbi stood quiet for a moment. Then spoke. “I can’t do that. But what I can do is tell you why within 4 months of your position. On why I am telling you this. On why it is best for you.”

The woman finally agreed.

She left her position as a lawyer and became a nursery school teacher.

The pay cut didn’t hurt as much as she thought it would. The children were amazing and it felt worth it. She found herself excited to go to work in the morning- just because of the children.

One day a man whom she knew took noticed of this woman. He came up to the Rabbi and expressed his interest:

“I’ve never seen her in that way.” The man began. “As a potential wife. But there is something different about her. Something attractive that I haven’t seen before.”

“Then go ask her out!” The Rabbi laughed.

Sure enough they went out on a date. Then within 10 months, got engaged and today they are happily married with children.



The woman never did came back to ask the Rabbi why she had to leave the law firm and become a teacher. She probably figured it out on her own.


So what happen?

When the woman (although a good person and meant well) was a lawyer- she was tough. Her toughness became part of her make-up. In reality, she was unapproachable, strong and unlikable. She had develop a hard, cold and ruthless heart.  Displaying all the traits that turn off men.


Of course the Rabbi couldn’t tell her this.

Changing her environment will begin to change her.  Soften her. Being around children (showing she is kind, warm and potential mother) helped her attract a man.

What concerns men is not just how beautiful a woman is- but the most concern a man has is:“How much will I be needed by her?”

When a man out earns his wife, he is needed.

When a woman out earns- he is Not needed.

Men are not built to compete against women. They are built to compete against other men. When women begin to challenge men, the men will withdraw.

Understand, when a woman makes more money and power- she becomes physically ugly along with her character. No matter how much she denies this. Just look at the people she repelled.

When a man makes more money and obtains more power- he suddenly becomes more handsome. Just look at the people he now attracts.

The whole Ms. Independent and feminism movement is built on a lie. Women, generally speaking, desires to surrender herself to a man who is worthy. But no man will ever be worthy enough for Ms. Independent, since she doesn’t need him.



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